Jacks Jams Volume 2: No Quarter

March 27, 2026

Unfortunately, our Herb Hero was whisked away after Revival ended. Jimmy Lawson had come back to explain the situation to Jack but to Jimmys surprise Jack didn’t even argue. With his head down and his afro looking like it was about to fall off he followed Jimmy slowly out of the arena.

Jimmy attempted small talk throughout the long plane ride back to Octopus HQ but all he got were grunts and muttering nonsense in response.

The only thing he requested was to stop by CVS after the plane landed. He jumped out of the car before it completely stopped and ran into CVS. Moments later he ran back out with a Pursonic Heated Foot Spa Massager under his arm.

When they got to where all the Tentacles play, Jack made a beeline right toward his room. He ignored everyone he saw and slammed the door behind him. This is where the Ganja God got to work on cleansing himself.

One Shoe.

Two Shoe.

One Sock.

Two Sock.

Three Sock?

Four Sock?

Five Sock?

Christ…Six Sock?

Jack took off sock after sock from his feet and within seconds both feet were inside the Foot Spa. It had become apparent that the match with Satan Jones had taken a lot out of him, including his innocence.

He began speaking to himself, “must be clean, must not be dirty.”

The Coral Protector continued saying this repeatedly as he rubbed his hands together. The words began to just form one long sentence acting as a relaxant for him as he closed his eyes and let his feet be purified.

Throughout his life Jack Marley has always seemed to have bad luck. Maybe he was born under the wrong star. Maybe he has always been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe he has always been so high that he just ends up involved in bad situations. Be that as it may, today was no different. Just as he began to feel like the evil was beginning to leave his feet he was awakened by a knock and an intense statement.

“You’ve had your fun.”

His eyelids opened so fast you would think his eyeball was trying to escape. But he did not respond.

This was the new Jack. He wasn’t going to be at their beck and call anymore. They had to also respect his wishes and realize he needed his alone time.

“You lost. This is not time to dawdle and cuddle up in your depression. We need to find Steve and Sandy thinks you might remember more now.”

Jack shook his head at the door, and his body began to tremble.

For over twenty-five years Jack would never have acted like he was to JD Lawson. Every word from JD began to feel like he was forcing himself not to yell. It had occurred to him that yelling at him the past few weeks had just pushed his longest friend further away from not only him but The Octopus.

These were desperate times and Jack just could not find the courage to face it.

“Look Jack, I don’t know what is going on with you, but I damn well know you would never let a friend down when they are in need. Is this who you are now? A coward? A selfish manchild? What is it or who is it you want to be?”

Marley could only think of rolling a joint as those words hit him like a brick. He wanted to forget it all and he wanted to feel like he did the first time he ever took a bong hit and felt all his worries fade away.

Always searching for that same feeling.

Never was ever the same though.

Addictive personalities tend to lead you to sadness, but Jack would never understand that. Or maybe…he just never wanted to confront it.

“I will give you ten minutes and if you are not out here, I will send Rico to come talk to you. He said he had a lot to say to you.”

‘Oh yea…shit,’ Jack mouthed quietly to himself.

He heard Lawson walk away and let out a long breath. He stood up from his Foot Spa knowing that if he had to meet Sandy again, he would prefer to do it without seeing Rico.

He took one step on the wooden floor and ooooooops.

His feet were still wet.

He slipped and fell backwards like a cartoon character on a banana peel.

Afro please save Tree Unc from the fall.

--

Weeks Ago

The First Attempt.

“Just close your eyes and relax and tell me what you see.”

I felt myself swaying back and forth like a small branch hit with a steady stream of wind. It wasn’t strong wind, but it was strong enough for you to feel it quite easily. I had always felt kin to the greenery, but this was on a whole other level. “Get up.” The wind became a hell of a lot harder, and I felt like I was being snapped off the tree. Then it happens. Falling to the ground was something that scared the leaves off my branch. Before I hit the ground my eyes flickered open and I was cold, lying on the snowy ground, blood frozen on my face, and in a lot of pain. “Ugh, what?” I was dizzy and had trouble focusing my eyes. I was not high though. “Get up and grab a shovel, we don’t have time to lay around.” My eyes finally focused enough to see Rico crouching down and staring at me. The seriousness on his face was a surprise but then I began to remember where I was and what I had seen. He pointed to the inside of the broken-down barn and lying on the ground with a puddle of blood spread out from him was Ellis Jackson. “Is he…” “Dead? I think you know the answer to that, Jack. This isn’t a dream and no amount of drugs are going to transport you away from this truth.” I gulped. I knew he was dead, but I didn’t want to accept that what I was beginning to remember was real. I started breathing fast and sweating through the frozen blood as I began to think about what could have happened to Steve. I didn’t see him but knew he had been laid out on the floor as well before I was knocked out. I stood up as I tried to catch my breath. “Where is Steve, Rico?” Rico dropped a shovel in front of me, “you tell me…or you tell his mom, Jack.” I looked down from his gaze and stared at the shovel. I knew I had failed in my mission but him looking down at me like he was better than me was not helping matters. He never used to look at me like that and now It was every time I saw him. My supposed best friend after Lawson now treating me as nothing but a nuisance. My hand began to shake in what I thought I was fear but deep down my blood was boiling in anger towards Rico. I reached my hand out and grabbed the shovel. Rico grunted loudly enough for me to hear, “Mmph, your hand shaking cause you are jonesing huh?”  I gripped it tightly and used it to help me stand up. I found my balance and looked Rico eye to eye finally, “shut up and let’s get this over with we have more important things to do anyway.” “I don’t know, Jack. I think you might have lost the trust in doing anything else. I am sure if you have any useful information, she will listen but from the looks of you, I doubt you be any help at all.” I wanted to swing the shovel at him, but I barely had the strength to even drag the shovel. He walked away and I followed him slowly feeling as if any snow I stepped in could swallow me at any minute. It was that feeling of drowning, realizing everything was out of control and I didn’t know where the life jacket was. Shit…mon…I would not even know how to use it. “None of this bothers you, Rico?” Rico stopped and turned to look at me.  His face was twisted in disgust which made no sense to me. He angrily responded, “you think I like doing this?” “You seem to be doing ok to me.” He shook his head, “this is why I haven’t even wasted my time asking if you know what happened. You take no responsibility to get things done or do what it takes for The Octopus to survive. This wasn’t just a murder of Ellis and the disappearance of Steve. This was a calculated attack on all of us. I will get my hands dirty and dig a fucking grave if that is what needs to be done. You will just complain and try to garner some sympathy even though you are nothing but a childish buffoon who deep down is bitter about everything.” My whole body froze at hearing that. My face became hot and I could feel some new blood running down the side of my head. I suppose all of that had melted my face, but I couldn’t think straight. What he said wasn’t true, NOT TRUE. I could not think of anything to say though. I had lost my voice, and it felt like all the bile in my body was choking all the words down my throat. “Fuck…who do you think saved you anyway, Jack?” He turned again and went another ten feet into a small area of old trees and bushes. He began tossing snow from an area at an increasingly impressive speed. I slowly walked over as my mind was a jumble of thoughts after everything he said. The oddest thing was that he had not said this many words to me TOTAL in over two years. I got to where he was and tried my best to keep pace with him, but it was obvious quickly that I was no match with him. My whole body hurt and I was certain I had a concussion. But I tried, he couldn’t say I wasn’t helping. “Save me?” I muttered to him between shovel heaves of snow and dirt. He didn’t stop though and without looking up at me he responded, “not surprised you don’t remember or maybe it is that back then you couldn’t put two and two together.” “Thanks?” He signed and shook his head again. “Let’s just get this over with and get you to the hospital. I can review everything with the boss. I am not sure how they will take everything I saw here so I hope you can remember something that could help.” I wiped some blood from my head and nodded slowly back at Rico. He wasn’t even looking at me, but he was right about me needing to go to the hospital. I was so dizzy, but I couldn’t stop because every time I even so much as blinked I saw horrible things. Rico was right though. I needed to remember something…anything but my brain was making that impossible for me. I knew I didn’t really want to remember because every time I closed my eyes all I saw was that pool of blood and that hand checking the pulse of Ellis. His face was so blurry, but that hand was wrinkled and everything it did looked calm to me not angry…not like a killer, at least. “Other then his hand, are there any other features you can remember?”

He wasn’t going to kill me, I remember he said that before…before…before ALL OF THE PAIN, ALL OF THE BLOOD!”  

“Ok, come back to the shoveling, did you and Rico speak about anything else?”

Not really. He went quiet and did most of the work as I struggled to stay upright. When we had finally finished, we uh…Ellis, you know. “This doesn’t seem real,” I said as I softly sniffled to myself. Rico and I continued to toss the dirt on top of the dead body of Ellis Jackson and gave him as proper as a burial as possible. “Should we like…uh say something, mon?” “It isn’t our place even though I know you want something to make you feel a little less guilty, right?” Guilt, I thought to myself, ugh, I felt a lot worse in that moment. I didn’t have any more energy to defend myself to Rico, especially when I knew what he said was right. We had just buried Ellis though and the thought of just leaving him like this was not Irie. I dropped my head and before I could think of something to say I heard the words ‘time to go,’ but I was unaware of who it was as my eyes began to feel heavy. Rico grabbed my shoulder, “come on,” and the last thing I remember was trying to nod back at him and then feeling cold.  

“Is this weed oregano?”

Jack Marleys eyes swung open at the return phrase from Sandy Reed-Lawson. He began to shiver and turn his head and threw up on the floor from the chair he had been sitting in.

Sandy looked towards the corner of the room where Maude, the Marine Biologist, sat in darkness with only the cherry of her cigarette exposing that someone was there. “Ma’am?”

A cloud of smoke came into view, “that will be all. I know enough, so let’s get our little protector some rest…after he cleans his own mess up.”

“We can always try again. I just couldn’t get him to focus on what he saw before he woke up. Whatever it was is not something he is able to either convey or his brain cannot handle it.” Sandy stood up from her chair but did move as she waited for the Madam to respond to her.

“Leave it be, Sandy. I will let you know if we need to try again,” She stepped into the light and pointed towards the door. “Go spend time with your husband and son, you never know when something can happen, right?”

Sandy gulped and nodded at that comment. She walked out the door as swiftly as she could.

It wasn’t just the words that made Sandy flee, it was how the boss looked. She was disheveled with her hair a mess and ashes from her many cigarettes covering her sweater and pants. She didn’t seem to care how she looked as she walked over to where Jack was now lying in the fetal position as he attempted to stop the shivers.

She bent down and pat him on the back, “It is your job to make sure our reef is not bleached.”

Jack stopped shaking and turned to look at Maude, “always.”

A grotesque smile came to her face, the smell of cigarettes seeping from her mouth. The last few days had ben rough on her, “I need you to remember his face.”

--

December 8th, 1998

“Toss me a natty light, dude.”

Jack Irwin and JD Lawson were spending time in a small mountain cabin celebrating Lawson’s contract with UWF. As they waited for some other friends, they drank some cheap brews and spoke in vague terms about their future in professional wrestling.  Jack popped the top on the beer can and took a big swig and smacked down on the table and wiped the froth from his mouth.

“So, I haven’t heard from you since we went our separate ways from the training facility…are you ok, bro?” Lawson said as he watched Jack engulf his beer.

“I told you, I will do whatever it takes to chase this dream, man. I just needed a few days to make sure this is what I want…you know?”

Lawson nodded, “Oh yea, I would have no problem if you went your own way. I know it would only take a few years until you are putting me in some crazy hold that you made up to just mess with me.”

They both laughed but Jack never closed his eyes or blinked.

Jack stopped laughing abruptly and shook his head, “if I didn’t know any better you think you can do this without me, buddy.”

Lawson stopped laughing now, “are you serious? Of course I want to go down this road with you, I was just you know…thinking you might have changed your mind.”

Jack took another drink from the natty light and then waved off Lawson, “Ha-ha, I was just messing with you man, I know we can take wrestling by storm…together!” He did not laugh though.

“Oh, yea…HELL YEA!”

“I was still thinking of how I can get the peoples attention by not being a wrestler though. What type of guy does your sister like?”

Lawson in the middle of taking a sip of his own beer suddenly did a spit take along with it coming straight out of his nose. “My sister? Oh, come on, Jack, you know she is married to that asshole and has a kid now.”

Jack shrugged, “I am not trying to ask her out, JD. I was curious.”

“Yea, I would just stay away from her, I haven’t seen her smile since before she married that guy.”

Jacks’ eyebrow raised, “why did she marry him then?”

Lawson became serious and looked Jack in the eyes, “don’t worry about it.”

Jack put his hands up in defense, “fine, fine, ok so I was thinking I could embrace the weed culture. There is barely any mention of that in wrestling these days and I have smoked some of the marijuana before and liked it.”

“What?”

“Maybe like Jack Garcia or Jack Hendrix or Jack Nelson…”

“Jack Marley?”

Jack stopped and began thinking to himself at Lawsons suggestion and nodded, “’Legalize It’ Jack Marley that is formidable.”

“Legalize It?”

Jack smiled and for the first time ever he became Jack Marley, “the weed…mon.”

--

My head hurt, my weedmaniacs.

Not even the kindest bud could clear my head of this pain.

That is ok though because to be the greatest wrestler I can be I will fight through all the aches and pains.

It wasn’t ok losing to Satan Jones though. I could not get the laughs out of my head after I lost that match and was the violated by that evil deity. I don’t understand these fans or these wrestlers who take joy in another’s misfortune.

What have I ever done to any of you?

Why should I have been abused like that?

Why have I always been assaulted by other wrestlers when I wasn’t even an active wrestler?

Was I…or am I still just a joke to you?

It is sad that these strong people always try to find the weakest to make them feel superior.

But guess what?

I am not weak.

I am not a victim.

I am the Ganja God.

I am the Coral Protector.

I have T-H-C of the higher beings running through these veins. I am not going to give up again. I am not going to let someone else hold me down from doing what I should have been doing my whole life.

I am going to push through from my last defeat and clench this next opportunity like only Jack the Bong Ripper can.

A ladder match for a title shot.

Well except for a World Title shot but yours truly would never want to have to face one of his bro’s. I would NEVER want to hurt my Lizard friend of my British buddy who can control monsters from myth.

What I will do is leave NO QUARTER for those I will face at Culture Shock.

When all is said and done, I will be celebrating on top of a ladder while the rest of you realize you should never have overlooked Jack Marley!

--

The Second Attempt: The Conclusion

March 28th, 2026.

“Why was this important, JD?”

“She is always keeping things from the rest of us.”

“But what is knowing that Clarice was there when Rico and Jack where burying Ellis important and why did Rico not say anything?”

“Because Rico wasn’t even there, Sandy.”

“Wait…what does that mean?”

“You are the psychologist, hon, what do you think?”

“Hmmm…he may have created something in his head to carry the burden he feels.”

“Clarice though?”

“I would have to think that Maude knows something we don’t then since she isn’t pushing for any more information. What should we do with sleeping weed dummy?”

“Sigh, I hate that I am about to say this but let him finally follow his wrestling dream. But hon…don’t let Jimmy keep following him around.”

“How did we have such an idiotic kid?”

“I’M GONNA WIN IT ALL!”

“Sure, old friend, sure… guess he really is dreaming.”

--