Bigger Monsters

Paxton Anger Journal June 16, 2024

There’s one word that keeps comin up every time I think about my time in PRIME. A word that’s been on several people’s lips. A word they use to describe me, that I’ve used to describe myself too.

Monster.

It’s a powerful word, because it can be anything. If you say snake, everybody’s got a hissin rope in their heads. When you say monkey, you immediately go “ooh ooh aah aah” even if not every monkey makes that noise. But when you say monster, everyone’s brains go somewhere different. There ain’t no solid definition of what a monster is. Sharp teeth? Claws? Thousands of eyes? Could be anythin.

It gets even more complicated when you stop bein literal and think of other kinds of monsters. The ones that look like you and me.

And that’s the one that’s been in my mind so much lately, especially when it comes to facin you at Tropical Turmoil, Fred.

_______

Paxton pulled his pickup truck down the familiar road of Fats Domino Avenue in the heart of New Orleans’ Lower Ninth Ward. In the years before he joined PRIME, he would get near the river and turn right towards the section of abandoned lots that had grown in disrepair since Hurricane Katrina. These were the Mud Pits, the unsanctioned boxing matches that Paxton competed in for hospital payments when Nora first got sick.

As he reached his turn, the GPS on his phone said to turn left. He looked to the right, where buckets of his blood and sweat had mixed with the mud and grass over the years, then sighed and turned left.

Two minutes later he was walking into a shoddy tin building, his footsteps measured as he took in his surroundings. The place was a disaster: the roof wasn’t completely patched, with swaths of blue tarp covering the corners so rain wouldn’t come in. There was no door, only a wooden pallet that lay in front. It looked like any of the multiple abandoned warehouses that lined the street facing the Mississippi River. If it hadn’t been for the person who gave him this address, he would think he was being set up.

Shuffling forward, Paxton grabbed the pallet and set it aside, then walked in and was transported into the early part of his PRIME career: speed bags, a small gym in the corner, a large wrestling ring erected in the middle. Grappling in the middle of the ring were Ian Nackedy and his nephew Connor, going through a series of counters and reversals. When they saw Paxton, they both stopped.

“She’s in there,” Ian said flatly, pointing towards a makeshift office in the back.

Paxton nodded and walked towards the office, his pace slowing as he heard voices. “...insane. I can’t believe you’re even thinking…”

“I understand. You have a right to be angry.”

“Thanks for acknowledging my rights, Shway, but that doesn’t change the fact you invited this monster into…”

Paxton threw the door open and looked down at Jonathan Rhine, who sneered up at him. “Nah, by all means, keep goin’,” Paxton said.

“Fine, I will. Not like you can take anything else from me.” Rhine wheeled himself around so he was facing Paxton. “My girlfriend is nicer than she should be. You don’t deserve your daughter back. And I’ll never forgive you for what you did.”

Paxton leaned against the doorway and nodded. “Yeah, that all tracks. I ain’t gonna disagree with any of it. In fact I’m wonderin’ why Shway is goin’ so far to help me.”

“As I have told both of you gentlemen several times, I am doing this for Nora above all else.” Paxton felt like he was back in the Gray’s Academy conference room, listening to Shweta’s plan on the next Fighting For Nora fundraiser. “I am doing this because as big a monster as you think Paxton is, Julian Bathory is a bigger one. And I’d much rather free Nora from the clutches of the bigger monster.”

“Bigger monster,” Jon spat, once again looking up at Paxton. “You know, it says a lot about you that you found a monster like Bathory, and instead of trying to stop him, you bow to him.”

“I ain’t bowin’ t’shit,” Paxton growled.

“Yeah, you just helped the man take my gym and now you train the next generation of evil wrestlers, but at least you aren’t bowing.” Jonathan started to wheel in Paxton’s direction towards the door, causing the Bayou Butcher to move to the side. “This is what you do, though. You have no idea how to deal with people who love you, who respect you, so you team up with people who don’t know what love and respect are. You have a woman in love with you for some reas–”

“Jonathan,” Shweta hissed.

“Shit,” he said, looking down at his lap.

“In love…ya mean Julie? Is she here?”

“I should go,” Jonathan said, wheeling past him with his head down.

Paxton watched him go, then looked to Shweta. “So why did ya need me here today?”

“I wanted you to tour the facilities and see who will be working with us on this quest to save your daughter.”

Paxton smirked. “Couple Nackedys in a fallin’ down warehouse. Impressive.”

“They are a part of another quest, though both have pledged to help where they can. I also wanted to make sure you understand how dangerous these next few months will be for you.”

“Dangerous how?”

“Like Jonathan said, you bowed to the bigger monster. How do you think he will react when he realizes you’re fighting back? You need to be ready to fight anyone and everyone in your way to protect the people you love. Is that something you’re truly prepared for?”

Paxton turned around and looked at Rhine, who had wheeled himself to a set of stairs and was looking up. He followed Rhine’s gaze to see Julie Dunn walking down the stairs. She looked at Paxton, then quickly looked away.

“Yeah,” Paxton said. “I’m fuckin’ ready.”

_______

What is a monster? I mean in the wrestlin sense. Is it some big guy like Clay Byrd? Is it someone like that cat who had the crazy mask on and hung around with Jesus? Is it someone like you who jumps people and tries to shove shit in their face?

Is it someone like me who injured a quarter of the guys I’ve stepped in the ring with?

See, it’s all subjective. But it matters because the word has so much meanin behind it. It brings to mind somethin scary, somethin inhuman. You can’t reason with a monster.

A monster’s got nobody he loves, nobody he wants to protect.

_______

Paxton waited for Jon to leave before walking up to Julie. “Hey.”

She failed to meet his eyes, only looked towards the entrance. “Hey.”

“Listen,” he said, glancing back at the entrance before looking at her. “I got your note. I’m sorry I’ve ignored ya.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” she said, still not meeting his gaze.

“Don’t look like it’s okay t’me,” he said. “I’ve jus’ been havin’ a lotta issues lately. Been in my head a lot. An’ with all’a this shit with Fred Dick in the ring and Nora and Bathory outta it…I jus’ didn’t wanna bring ya into any a’my mess.” As he finished speaking he realized that Julie had been blankly staring behind him at the door. “Hey, Jules, ya listenin’?”

“Wha? Oh, uh, sorry Pax,” Julie said, finally locking eyes with his. Hers were big and active as she kept stealing glances behind him.

“You’re actin’ pretty jumpy. Is this ‘cause’a what Jon said t’me a second ago? ‘Bout ya…uh, bein’ in love with me?”

This was enough to drag Julie from the reverie she was floating in. “He what?” She began scanning the warehouse for the wheelchaired man, but he was nowhere to be found. “Paxton, we need to talk. But not here.”

Paxton followed her around the corner of the warehouse to an area that had likely been a break room. She sat on one end of the plastic folding table and Paxton sat on the other. “Julie,” Paxton said, reaching across the table. “I really care ‘bout ya. I ain’t no good at showin’ it. I ain’t no good at a lotta things. I’m tryin’ t’get better though. So please don’t–”

“Pax,” she said firmly, looking at him with solemn eyes, “I didn’t want to talk about whatever Jon said. I want to talk about something much more important.”

“Oh. What’s up?”

Julie now grabbed Paxton’s outstretched hand and squeezed it, her eyes wide. “Paxton, my dad is in New Orleans. He wants to see me. And it’s going to be a very bad thing if he does.”

_______

Another thing that makes a monster so scary, in our world at least, is he can look like any one of us.

Imagine the people who knew me growin up, rough around the edges but still sayin please and thank you to adults. Imagine how they musta felt seein me drop Jon in the middle of the ring. Imagine any neighbor of a serial killer tellin the news “he was so quiet and nice, he’d never hurt a fly.”

I’d say to imagine how people felt growin up with you, but I bet they could see your weird lookin ass bein a shitheel a mile away. You just got that stink on you.

A monster like that can blend in, can get your guard down, can strike when you least expect it. I know that because I hid in plain sight for half a year, waitin until I could finally get my hands on Jon with everyone watchin. 

But no matter how bad a monster is, the damage he causes, the shit he pulls, the scariest thing about monsters is there’s always a bigger one out there.

_______

“Wait, Julie, what are ya sayin’? Ya tol’ me…ya said your dad died. He had cancer.” Paxton looked down at the table, shaking his head. “Ya…lied t’me?”

“Yes, but to me he’s been dead for three years,” she said, sighing. “That’s when he went to jail.”

“What was he in jail for?”

“He…he had tried to hurt me. Me and my sister. A few times. I was just finishing nursing school, and we hadn’t seen him in a few years.” Julie sighed, squeezing Paxton’s hand. “The stuff I told you in Chicago? About my dad taking me to Hawaiian barbecue, taking me to the zoo? That was all true.”

“Ya said he was a great father,” Paxton nodded. “Was.”

“Exactly. Was. Something changed as we got older. He’d start saying things that made us uncomfortable. Things about how we looked like mom, how we were tempting every boy we met…it scared us. He’d reach over and…” She shook her head. “I moved back here to find a job, but Lacey stayed in Chicago. And one day…” she put a hand to her face to stop the tears that were starting to flow.

“Ya ain’t gotta say it.” Paxton stood up and walked over to the other side of the table, putting an arm around her. “I’m sorry.”

“He was arrested. I was at the trial. Both my sister and I were witnesses. And they put him behind bars.”

“But not for long enough.”

“He never was able to…” she stopped again, her body shuddering. “The charge was attempted assault. They did the best they could…but he’s out.” She began crying silent tears as Paxton pulled her into his chest.

“That’s awful. I’m so sorry.” He put his head on hers and closed his eyes. “Ya coulda tol’ me.”

“Are you serious?” she said, pushing herself off of him and staring into his eyes. “You don’t see why me telling you that my dad wants to hunt me down might be a little shocking for you to hear?”

It hit him like a punch to the face and he recoiled. “Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I see what ya mean.”

Julie reached out for his arm. “But you’re different, Paxton.”

“No I ain’t,” he said, standing up. “I’m jus’ a monster who wants my daughter to himself jus’ like your dad does. Shit, no wonder ya caught feelin’s for me.”

“I’ve said that a few times,” Julie said, standing up as well and walking towards him. “But you aren’t trying to hurt your daughter. You’ve hurt a lot of people – hell, almost everyone in this warehouse. But you’ve never hurt her.”

“An’ I never would.”

“Exactly. You need to see this through with Shweta. You need Nora back. Don’t let my situation make you doubt anything.”

They embraced then, and Paxton held her for a long time, his lips curling into a smile. Then, he frowned. “So he knows you’re here?”

“He texted me because he wants to ‘catch up.’ I told him where I’d be. I tried to ignore him, but the texts kept coming. I didn't know what else to do. I figured at least there would be people here so he wouldn’t be able to hurt me...hopefully.”

“Good idea, but I’ve got a better one.” Paxton grabbed a nearby pen and scribbled something in his anger journal, then tore out the page and handed it to her. “Text him and tell him to meet at this street corner.”

“What are you going to do, Paxton?” Julie’s eyes widened again, causing leftover tears to spill over.

Paxton started walking and looked into Shweta’s office before saying, “Protect the person I love.”

_______

So what do monsters do when they see a bigger one? They can run. That’s probably the smartest choice.

They can work with them to avoid the pain. I did that. It was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.

Or they can fight the bigger monster. They can take everything that monster can give, and try and stop them so they can’t hurt them or anyone else again. 

That’s the hardest option. It’s somethin I never thought I could do. Hell, it’s somethin I never wanted to do.

But here I am.

_______

Less than an hour later a black sedan turned right from Fats Domino Avenue and pulled over a few hundred feet away from an open field of grass and mud. Paxton stood in the field, flexing his knuckles over and over again. He looked down at them and saw the cuts that he had gotten from the glass that had been embedded as a result of his beatdown from the Poor Whoresmen.

The door on the sedan opened and a tall, muscular man stepped out of the car. He looked around for a moment, then shook his head and started to get back in the car, but Paxton stopped him.

“Ya Julie’s dad?”

Robert Dunn smiled and stood back up, walking across the car to the Mud Pit. “I guess she wasn’t ready to see me again.”

Paxton looked Robert up and down, taking in his tall, muscular frame, the scars around his eyes, and the wide smile. “I can see why she’s scared a’ya.”

“Julie? I’m not sure what she’s told you about me, but…”

“Well the first thing she told me was that you were dead, so ya showin’ up is already a disappointment. ‘Specially what I heard ‘bout ya besides that, so ya can drop whatever innocent act ya were plannin’.”

“So she told you I’m a monster.” Julie’s father took several steps towards Paxton. “And yet you are still here…to what? Deliver a message to me from Julie?”

“Nah, this is a message straight from me. Ya ain’t gonna see her ever again. So get on outta here. Go back home.”

“No, I don’t think I’ll be doing that,” Robert said, stepping into the pit and staring at the wet dirt around his feet. “I don’t know who you are, but you seem to think you’re going to teach me a lesson. So let’s get on with it.”

“Oh, there ain’t no lesson, ‘cause guys like ya don’t ever learn. But I’ma teach it anyway.” They reached each other in the corner of the Pit, each striking the other with furious rights and lefts. After a few seconds of trading punches, Robert landed a hard one to Paxton’s temple, causing him to stumble. Robert then delivered a front kick to his stomach, sending him sprawling the ground.

“No one is going to keep my daughter from me,” Robert said as he grabbed Paxton from behind, wrapping his arms around his neck and applying pressure to his throat. Paxton fought for a few moments and felt himself losing breath. He swung a wild elbow backwards and it landed in Robert’s cheekbone, forcing him to break the hold. Paxton lunged forward and tackled the man, pinning him down with his legs and punching him until his face resembled a sunset of browns, blacks, blues and reds. When Paxton was satisfied, he moved forward and pinned his knee against Robert’s throat.

“I’m keepin’ your daughter away from ya. Ya don’t want her for her sake. Ya just wanna hurt her again. But as long as I’m around – an’ I’m plannin’ on stickin’ around for a while, pops – ya ain’t gonna get anywhere near her.”

Struggling tospeak, Robert’s eyes narrowed. “Wait…I know you,” he said through gasps for breath. “You…you’re a wrestler. You had…a sick daughter.” Paxton eased his knee from Robert’s throat. “You should understand me better than anyone. We need to take care of our girls. Nobody else can.”

“Plenty’a people can take care’a Julie without hurtin’ her, includin’ me. An’ you an’ me? We ain’t nothin’ alike. It was your daughter who tol' me that. Now get outta here, an’ never come back if ya know what’s good for ya.”

After a few moments, the battered man stood and shuffled towards his car. Paxton began walking away, then turned. “An’ if ya try to hurt Julie’s sister, I’ll find out ‘bout that too.” The car drove out of sight and Paxton limped towards the warehouse.

_______

Somethin kinda funny happens when the monster decides to fight the bigger monsters.

Step by step, they become less of a monster. Bowin to em, runnin from em, that don’t change you. But fightin em sure as hell does. And I’ve noticed the change in me over the past few months. Other people been noticin too, which is why I’m gettin more cheers in the ring. Maybe I’m still a little bit of a monster, and I’ll try and prove it in the ring, but I think at this point I’m mostly man.

So now I’m ready to fight another big monster at Tropical Turmoil, right? Only one problem with that.

You ain’t no monster, boy.

Hell, you ain’t nothin but a troll. Like boss said a month ago, people hate you for merely existin. You aren’t tryin to hurt people, or injure them beyond repair. You just wanna annoy them, and you do a really good job of it.

So we’ll enter the ring at Tropical Turmoil, not as monsters but two men who don’t like each other and have the means to tear each other’s skin off. And it’ll be tough to overcome. But I’ve been fighting monsters for a few weeks now, and I’m preparin to take on the biggest monster in the world soon.

A troll? I should be able to handle that.

_______

Paxton limped through the warehouse, a small trickle of blood dripping from his temple. He got a few feet in when Julie rushed forward and grabbed him, wrapping him into a hug. “Oh god, are you okay?”

“I’m better than he is, don’t ya worry,” Paxton said, chuckling. “An’ ya ain’t gotta worry ‘bout him, neither.”

Julie squeezed him tight, which caused him to wince. “Oh, sorry! Paxton…thank you. Thank you so much. I’m going to go call my sister.”

Paxton watched Julie walk off and smirked, but his smile dissolved as he saw Jonathan and Shweta approach him. “All right, lay it on me. Tell me ya wish he broke a bone or two.”

The New Life looked up at Paxton, his lips curled into a frown. “I’m still not ready to forgive you.” Then, the expression broke, and Jonathan looked down at his lap. “But you did a good thing today, helping Julie. I didn’t expect that.”

“Well, Jon, there’s always a bigger monster out there, an’ right now I’m tryin’ t’take down as many of ‘em as I can.”

Jonathan nodded, then wheeled away. “Then welcome to the team.”

Paxton watched his former tag partner leave, then looked at Shweta. "Ya knew he was comin', didn't ya? An' ya knew I wouldn't let him hurt her."

Shweta smiled. "I knew you'd do the right thing. And now I know you're ready for Bathory."

Paxton nodded, then looked around the warehouse. It was still a disaster, but he was starting to see the potential.