LOVE. DIE. REPEAT. (PART I)

-o-o-o-

One Year Ago. A Galaxy Away.

I wake up, a pain in my side that wasn’t there yesterday, and I know I’m going to die today.

The mission was simple. Land on Karlax, secure the fortress, and assist the security forces in defending it from the local rabble trying to claim it.

No further explanation. I was merely a cadet in the Orion Corps, a mercenary in the machine. I didn’t deserve more than orders.

Only the General knew why the fortress was so important. And he told us nothing.

He didn’t tell us, for instance, that the “security forces” we were assisting were a tired, ragtag group of wounded souls, the only ones left alive from waves and waves of invasion. He didn’t tell us the “local rabble” were more of a Horde. A boundless, never-ending Horde of soldiers, their torchlights creating a map of stars on the hillside.

In a few hours, they will descend. Even with the backup from my squad, they will crush us in an instant. All for nothing.

I gather my gear, then, out a window, I see a figure on a hill.  A man with a yellow cloak, binoculars in hand. He looks directly at me, and I take cover, thinking it’s an enemy sniper. He isn’t there when I look back.

I run to report the sighting to the General.

I find him in his office, a once-decorated place now fallen to ruin like the rest of the fortress. The General himself is an oversized Anglosoid, a humanoid species with four arms and an elongated head.

“Cadet Neptune,” He says. He reads the expression on my face. “There is no turning back now. We protect the fortress today or die trying.”

I nod. Lump in my throat.

“Sir, I saw a possible spy on the perimeter. Permission to leave the fortress to investigate?”

“Absolutely not, Neptune,” the General says in a resigned deadpan. “The Horde will be upon us soon. I need you here with your squad.”

“But-”

“It is your duty as a member of the Orion Corps, is that clear?”

It is my duty, I remind myself, and the thought tastes like bitter wine. There is no honor in my dying here. The Corps be damned.

I leave the General’s office and think about how easy it would be to run.

But I can’t get the image of the figure in yellow out of my mind.

I gather my scouting gear and decide to sneak out of the back.

It doesn’t take long before I see him again, standing at the edge of the wood that surrounds the fortress.

I take a step towards him.

But only one.

I don’t feel the laser bullet hit the back of my head.

But I think the universe must feel it. All those celestial memories and glorious sights, gone in an instant like lightning.

-o-o-o-

I wake up, a pain in my head that wasn’t there yesterday, and I know I’m going to die today.

The enemy surrounds us. All hope is lost.

And yet...

I can’t explain it, but I think I dreamt of a man in yellow last night.

And I think he’s in the forest.

The fortress we’re guarding lies in a clearing surrounded by thick forest, though the Horde has been busy burning away the local flora for a more efficient killing floor.

Well, following a dream isn’t the stupidest thing I'm gonna do today. So, why not?

I don’t get permission from the General to leave. I just go. He’d never let me anyway.

It isn’t long after I leave that I see him at the edge of the clearing.

“Hey!” I yell. And he ducks behind a tree.

“Shit.” He says.

I draw my laser pistol and creep toward the tree.

“Come on out now. I won’t hurt you if you make this easy.”

“You’re not the one I’m worried about, Bobby,” he responds in a smooth, low voice.

I try not to startle. How does this man know my name?

“Come out!” I yell again, the gun raised.

“FIIIINE.” He comes out with his hands raised. “I hate it when we meet here.”

He lowers his hood, and I see his face, and it is…human. The first human I’ve seen in a long time. Brown hair floats over soft eyes, framed by a jawline that could cut glass. He is…striking.

“I hate it when we meet here. We get so little time.”

I keep the gun raised, but he doesn’t seem to care. He walks right up to me and leans his chest against the barrel of the gun.

“Hey….who are you?” I ask.

“I don’t know.” He answers, truthfully. “I’m trying to figure that out. You wanna help this time? Skip the meeting with the General tomorrow and meet me in the north woods. I wanna see what happens.”

He leans in. The barrel of my gun digs into his chest. His breath is almost touching my lips.

“A kiss before we die?”

I don’t know what comes over me. But I do it.

I kiss him.

Just a peck.

Maybe I just wanted him off my gun.

He looks as shocked as I am. He backs away. We stand there a moment.

“I-” I start to say-

Then a laser bullet hits him in the chest. Clean through. He collapses in front of me.

I’m next, of course.

Right through the heart.

-o-o-o-

I wake up, a pain in my chest that wasn’t there yesterday, and I know I'm going to die today.

I decide it’s not worth talking to the General. I know what he’s going to say, and it won’t taste good. I take up my scouting gear and decide to do a perimeter search early.

It sounds silly. But I faintly remember a dream I had about a man in yellow in the northern woods. I can’t shake the feeling it’s where I’m supposed to be.

I sneak out of the fortress at dawn.

It isn’t long after I enter the forest that I see him. Standing on a hillside, binoculars in hand.

I reach for my weapon, then pause. He’s…waving?...excitedly?

Now he’s running toward me, practically skipping with joy.

“IT WORKED!” He yells and jumps into my arms. “You remembered, Bobby, you remembered!”

I throw him off even though he seems to naturally smell like leather and musk, and ask:

“Who are you?”

“Oh. Guess you don’t remember everything…That’s fine. We’ve still never met like this before, so that’s a good sign. As for who I am? Well, I've got no idea. Really. I’m pretty sure my name is Anton, so that’s what I call myself, but…I dunno bub! I woke up on this strange planet, my memory gone, in the middle of a giant war Horde, and all I got is my name and a need to get into that fortress you guys are guarding. And every day I die trying.”

I pause. That was a lot to take in.

“I’m going to have to take you in for questioning, Anton. You seem to know there’s something more going on here.”

“UGH. Fine. Take me in, but we’re just gonna get shot on the way there.”

I pause. That was also a lot to take in.

“By the Horde?”

“No, by someone on YOUR base. That’s always where the bullet comes from. Trust me, I’ve taken it plenty of times.”

I take out my cord and bind his hands.  There’s something wrong with him. A human with no memory of Karlax? He doesn’t belong here.

“You don’t believe me, Bobby?”

“I don’t know what to believe.”

I lead him towards the edge of the forest, but stop short of the clearing. If he was right, this would be where I die. But he spoke as if all this had happened before. And as far as I can tell, he speaks truthfully.

“Well, this is it,” he says as we reach the edge. “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You keep saying that. There won’t be a tomorrow.”

“Unfortunately, there will be Bobby. I’ll remember everything. I’m praying to whatever alien god you believe in, that you do too. Now let’s get this over with.”

Before I can stop him, he steps into the clearing.

The laser bullet rips through his skull, and I feel the overwhelming sense of dread and deja vu at once.

My initial instinct says to take cover, but…

He said there would be a tomorrow…and…I believe him.

I step out onto the clearing.

And feel nothing.

Not even the bullet that strikes me down.

Again.

-o-o-o-

I wake up, a pain in my neck that wasn’t there yesterday, and I know I’m going to die today.

Because I remember, I remember dying yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. It comes rushing back to me at once in an overwhelming flood.

I have died here hundreds of times.

And each day I wake up to do it again.

Which means I’m caught in a death loop.

I get my scouting gear and laser gun, then meet Anton in the forest.

I tell him I remember everything, and he almost kisses me again in joy.

“I’m not alone anymore!” he shouts. “Someone else is trapped in this hell with me!!”

“Is that what you think this is?” I ask. “Hell?”

“Well, I thought it was a dream, but now I know there’s another aware person here, so that can’t be it. Which means we’re in a time loop or a-”

We say it at the same time.

“Simulation.”

It is a well-known fact that when trapped in a simulation, the best way to break out is to break its rules.

Like, for instance, kissing a man you are holding at gunpoint. That must’ve been what loosened the simulation’s grip on my mind. Meaning, it was time to experiment.

“So then…what happens if we don’t go back?” I ask.

“Um. I dunno. I’m always trying to sneak in, and you’re always stopping me. I tried fighting, but you always won, so I’ve been trying to charm you ever since. Is it working?”

“You don’t know anything about me,” I say, trying to hide a smile.

“I know I have a weakness for blue hair,” he says.

My body tenses. Anton has the kind of gravity that makes you want to get closer.

But if I desert my post, the Orion Corps will hunt me down, whether I did it in cyberspace or not.

And if this is reality, I’ll be throwing away my life for a few hours with a handsome stranger.

Well. Why not?

-o-o-o-

I wake up, a warmth in my body that wasn’t there yesterday, and I know that I don’t need to die today.

Because none of this is real.

Let me tell you about yesterday, in all its terrible glory.

Anton and I spent the last few hours before the invasion just wandering the woods. He asks me about my life, my adventures, never taking his eyes off me.

We found a secluded hilltop far from the battlefield. He put his arm around me as the warhorn blew. And I watched thousands of soldiers descend upon the fortress.

It was not a battle. It was a slaughter.

And when the fortress was taken, reality blinked. And I was back in my bed.

In the center of it stood the man I think is the key to all this.

But I have to be sure.

I run up to the fortress’s highest tower and yell to get everyone’s attention.

If this isn’t a simulation, then this is going to hurt.

I close my eyes and step off the tower.

And for a moment I fall, before I catch my step.

And then I’m walking mid-air, because I want to. Because reality is mine now.

“It’s not real!” I shout to my squad, who are all looking up at me with stunned expressions. “None of it’s real, you don’t have to die-”

This time, I feel the laser bullet hit my chest. It misses my heart, which means I feel everything.

I feel death.

And suddenly I’m falling.

I try to will myself to tomorrow before my body hits the ground. But it’s no use.

I die alone. And in pain.

But at least I saw who did it.

-o-o-o-

I wake up, pain all over that wasn’t there yesterday, and I know I’m going to kill someone today.

I don’t know if it will correct the loop, but it couldn’t hurt to try.

The General is in full uniform when I barge into his office and point my laser gun at his heart.

“How many times have you killed me?”

The General sighs, removes his spectacles, and takes a deep breath.

“I stopped counting ages ago. So, you’re awake.”

“Yes. I know I’m trapped in a simulation, I just don’t know whose keeping me here, or why.”

“And you don’t need to know.”

The General stands to his full height. Anglosoids grow up to twelve feet, and the General was a tall one. “All you need to know,” he continued. “Is that you disobeyed direct orders! You are a cadet. If your General orders you to die. You die as many times as I want!”

“I saw in you the final battle, General. I saw you in the middle of a battle. It was the most alive I’ve ever seen you. You’re keeping us stuck here, aren’t you! There’s no mission, there’s just a weak man who wants to feel strong over and over again, even if it costs him every piece of himself.”

“That’s not true.”

“THEN TELL ME. WHY. AM. I. HERE???”

The General sighs and smiles. “This should be good,” he mutters as he unlocks a locked drawer and withdraws a folder. He opens it.

“Dearest General,

My youngest boy is stuck on a level of his favorite video game, and he’s refusing to start over. If you have an Orion squadron to spare, would you mind putting them under deep simulation and getting them to figure out a solution? He’s in quite the pickle, you see, there’s a large Horde surrounding a fortress…”

I shoot him in the leg. A hole burns straight through his calf, and he falls to the floor.

I probably shouldn’t have done that.

But it felt really good.

And he’ll only feel it a little tomorrow.

“AHHH!!!” He screams in pain. “I’ll kill for you for this, Bobby Neptune. Then I’ll wake you up and kill you again. I’ll do it a thousand times until you-“

I shoot him in the head. The General slumps to the floor.

He’ll be fiiiiiine. I remind myself.

Still. The laser cuts a clean hole through his skull. It isn’t real. I say to myself. No matter how real the burning flesh smells. It isn’t real…

I rummage through the general’s files and see one labeled “Anton.”

I swipe it, stepping over the General’s body as I leave his office.

-o-o-o-

When I exit the fortress, Anton is there to meet me, right where we agreed.

“What did you find??” he asks excitedly.

I show him the file with his name on it. He’s practically jumping up and down. It’s frankly adorable. He tucks it under his arm and smiles at me.

“Aren’t you gonna read it?”

“Did you find out why you were here?” He asks

“Yeah.”

“And did you like the answer?”

Okay, I get it. He’s scared of who he may be. I’m afraid of who he may be, too.

“...Okay.” I say.

“Great. So…”

“I know how to defeat the Horde and break the simulation. Do you trust me? I need you to trust me.”

“I do.”

“Okay. Now let me find a basket.”

“What?”

There’s no basket, but there is a spare blanket in the bunks.

I stop by the canteen and pick up a few insta-rations.

And then, we go into the battlefield.

It’s not long before the first wave is supposed to arrive. We’re far enough away that all their warriors blend together, and I wonder if each and every one of them is trapped here, too.

I suppose we will find out.

“You want to know the first thing I noticed about you, Anton?”

“My dashing good looks and winning personality?”

“No. It was that you really needed someone to listen.”

I roll out the blanket on the war grounds and open the rations. I hand one to him.

“So, we’re gonna have a picnic. And uh. Get to know each other better.”

He looks flabbergasted at first, then I realize he's just blushing.

And so we talk. I tell him of my adventures, and he tells me of all the times we died together in the past. Of the times we fought and of the other times when we almost…did other things. The insta-rations somehow don’t taste as bland as they always do when I’m looking at him.

Then a war horn sounds in the distance, and the picnic is over.

“And now comes the end again,” Anton says.

I hear a war cry rising up behind me, but I keep my eyes steady on him.

“We’ll see,” I say.

I lean forward. He leans forward. His breath touches my lips.

“A kiss before we die?”

They say to break a simulation, you must rewrite its rules. Make the reality your own.

So something as simple as a date and a kiss on a battlefield, something that defies the reason of the machine.

Anton leans in, and this time I kiss him for real. Not just a peck. The kind of kiss that can rearrange worlds.

And that it did.

The sky’s framerate began to plunge, and static filled the air.

The charging Horde became a parade, their siege engines became floats, their infantry became a marching band, and the artillery they launched became balloons and floated away. A bomb hit right next to our picnic and exploded into confetti, draping us in color.

And all the while it was just him and me.

Even as their missiles turned to fireworks, we held close.

The Horde was defeated.

The cycle was broken.

We had no idea what tomorrow would bring.

-o-o-o-

That's all for now.

How Anton and I ultimately escaped the simulation...That’s not a story for Brandon Youngblood.

This was.

Do you know why you needed to hear this particular story, Mr. Youngblood?

Because I need you to see.

You are too much of an icon to be stuck the way you are.

Just like the General.

You are a man stuck in his war. A war you fight over and over and over again. Against Jiles. For the Universal Championship. All these battles where you’ve claimed victory, yet, Mr. Youngblood, you have not won the war. Cancer Jiles still wreaks his havoc. The Universal Title slips out of your grasp on an annual basis.

I don’t know why you preserve your hatred in amber and let it fossilize inside you. I only know it tricks you. Tricks you into believing that you are moving forward. That you are fighting a righteous fight.

When you’re actually in a loop.

A dance with an adversary that will never end.

Isn’t it time you ended the war? Isn’t it time you passed the torch to someone who will fight the war a new way?

It is time to concede.

With you at the helm, the Horde will win every time. And perhaps you prefer it that way. What else would the great Brandon Youngblood do without his demons to vanquish?

But I see beyond the war. I see that all the wars of PRIME are just as shallow as a simulation. I see it all from high up, see the game at play. I see that sometimes the only way to stop the cycle is to defeat the one who preserves it.

That’s you, Mr. Youngblood. Not anyone else on the roster. You. 

But truthfully, I’m honored to be facing a warrior such as yourself.  You are the pinnacle of what PRIME has to offer. The opportunity to test my strength against yours is not one to take lightly. In fact, it is of galactic importance.

For our match will shake the foundations of PRIME.

To the point that all that was before will seem like a dream.

No one will remember a world without Bobby Neptune.

The conqueror of stars.

The conqueror of Brandon Youngblood.

The one who will break the cycle.

Do not fear. When I take the torch from you, I will hold it high. I will use it to smite the darkest corners of PRIME and lead a new generation into the stars.

Make sure your torch is lit bright, Mr. Youngblood.

I am ready to take it.