Conventional Logic

You can’t learn about life by studying life. It’s too all-encompassing, there’s not enough time. To truly understand life, you have to distill it into something smaller, something easy to make metaphors out of.

Boxing, for example. Countless cliches, life lessons dressed up as pugilist prose. Stuff about getting knocked down nine times but getting up ten. Telling people to deal with adversity by “rolling with the punches”. Phrases that refer to giving up as “throwing in the towel”. 

If you’ve ever watched a journeyman boxer get thrown into the ring against a much better opponent, you’ve watched the perfect representation of life. The guy’s scared shitless, he’s such an underdog that the bookies aren’t letting people bet more than five dollars on him. A foregone conclusion, a knockout waiting to happen, and his only strategy is to delay the inevitable.

He keeps his guard high, his gloves tight around his face. He’s overmatched, but at least nothing’s connecting.

A minute goes by, maybe a round. The journeyman realizes that he hasn’t gotten hurt yet. Human nature kicks in. For a split second, he forgets that he’s flesh and blood, not titanium and steel. He drops his guard.

Bang. He gets laid out flat on the canvas, and his night is over. He prepared, and prepared, and prepared, but an unmistakable and unavoidable fact of life has befallen him, the same way that a new driver only crashes once they stop being cautious, the same way the teacher assigns a pop quiz on the topic you didn’t study for. The same way countless people have been victimized by life at the most careless and unexpected moments.

You only get hit when you drop your guard.

—

MIAMI

Kaseva Center

14 Days Before ReVival 76

“Motherfucker hits harder than I expected.”

Luc Labelle, currently submerged in an ice bath backstage, is referring to Kenny Freeman. Double L just defeated Freeman in a short, violent sprint, and now he’s taking a Michel-mandated ice bath in order to expedite his recovery.

“The important thing is that you got him out of there relatively quickly,” says Michel from behind a Luc-mandated ice bath-blocking curtain. “Matches on two shows in a row isn’t super common, so avoiding taking too much damage is important.”

“I’m just glad I can take a little break now.” Luc closes his eyes, trying not to freeze to death. He tries to trick himself into feeling warm, but all that does is make him focus even more on how cold he is.

Michel’s phone dings, and he checks it. “Scratch that, Luc, you got another match on ReVival 76.”

Are you serious?

“Gotta be fuckin’ kidding me!” Labelle petulantly thrashes his arms to the side, sending ice across the locker room. “Everybody else can get their shows off, they can rest their bodies, but they just GOTTA overwork me! Luc Labelle, workhorse against his will! Typical anglophones, exploiting a Quebecer! What’s next, Mic? Are they gonna make me pull double duty? Probably, right? My health isn’t as valuable as everybody else’s, and neither is my time apparently! I should find whoever booked me and sh-“

“It’s against Anna Daniels.”

Michel’s interjection stops Luc dead in his tracks. He doesn’t yet know the roster by heart, but he knows who the titleholders are, and he recognizes Daniels as the Alias Champion.

“Is it…”

“It’s for the belt, yeah.”

“Oh. That changes everything.”

—

Luc Labelle smells blood in the water. After a grueling battle, Anna Daniels is finally starting to fade. Luc is battered, the Alias Champion has put him through hell, but she’s finally staggering back to the corner. Luc follows. He goes in for the kill, throwing a picture perfect flying knee, but Daniels blocks most of it, and the challenger nearly sends himself flying to the outside, though he steadies himself, grabbing the top rope to keep himself within the confines of the ring. Anna pushes him away and thrusts a straight right hand that catches him flush on the jaw, and he tastes the iron in his mouth and the sting in his cheek. When Luc’s eyes refocus, he sees another punch coming his way, and he quickly slips the shot and drives his skull into the champion’s! The brutal headbutt slumps her back in the corner, and now Labelle is unleashing a barrage of punches! The Alias Champion blocks her head, and Luc throws a nasty Spinning Heel Kick that connects straight to the liver! He’s in his element now! Daniels doubles over, and Luc shoots for the Double Leg Takedown, lifting her up and planting her in the centre of the ring! He’s raining down elbows, one after another, this is getting brutal…

“Luc!”

He snaps back to reality. Luc’s imagination has transported him to ReVival 76 already, but in actuality, he’s in…

MONTREAL

Michel’s Apartment

8 Days Before ReVival 76

Luc stares into the rubber eyes of the punching bag on the ground. Definitely NOT Anna Daniels. Just a few moments ago, the damn thing was upright, but hey, shit happens.

“Come on, man,” Michel pleads. “Take it easy, I got downstairs neighbours.”

“My bad, Mic. Just let me take a little break.”

Michel quickly switches from brother mode to assistant mode, hastily grabbing Luc a water bottle from the kitchen. Luc downs it quickly, parched after beating the shit out of Not Anna Daniels.

“So, Mic, what do I gotta work on?”

“Well, judging from the fact that you slammed the punching dummy onto my fuckin’ hardwood like it owed you money, I’m guessing you’re planning to keep her grounded. That’s smart, she’s really agile, a LOT more agile than you.”

“Rude.”

“Hey, you asked. Anyways, I like the game plan, but when you shot in for the takedown, you overextended a bit, and you left your hands spread wide. If you gotta grab her, keep your fingers together. She has a tendency to break fingers, and you don’t want that, especially with that new girl of yours…”

“MIC!”

Michel smiles. He had no choice, older brother instincts. “Sorry, sorry. But yeah, just stay compact. Only reach if you absolutely have no other option, because you don’t want to risk giving up leverage.”

“Alright, I’ll keep that in mind. Put the bag back up, I got a couple more drills I want to do.”

Michel lifts Not Anna Daniels back into a standing position. “Need to hype up the match, by the way. You mind if I film?”

Luc wasn’t overly excited for the promotional aspect of PRIME, but he has to admit that he’s starting to enjoy being in front of cameras. “Sure, go ahead.”

Michel starts rolling, and Luc starts hitting the bag a little bit, just short jabs. Without even really thinking, he starts running his mouth. “I haven’t been here very long, but I’ve been here long enough to know when opportunity is knocking. Right now, opportunity’s breaking the fucking door down.” He throws a couple of swift kicks to Not Anna Daniels’ abdomen. “Next week, I finally have a chance to earn PRIME gold when I face Anna Daniels for the Alias Championship. I’m not someone that spends very much time online, but I’ve taken a quick look at what some people have had to say about the match. Some of it is the usual hate, but I’ve seen some praise, too. People saying that they’re glad I’m getting a chance to show what I’m about, that they’re expecting me to be a tough hurdle for Daniels. But I consider it all a little bit backhanded, because every single comment I’ve seen assumes that I’m not gonna win!”

Luc turns to face the camera. “Make no mistake about it, Anna Daniels is an incredible competitor. She’s mean, she’s tough, she’s brutal, she’s what I think PRIME needs more of…but she has no idea what she’s in for.” Back to the punching back with a scooping right uppercut. “The people don’t expect a shocker, and hey, I kind of get it. Conventional logic dictates that Anna Daniels, a new champion in her very first defense, isn’t going to let go of her gold right away. Conventional logic dictates that I, Luc Labelle, a bright young talent on the way up, is going to fall just short and look good in defeat. Conventional logic dictates that me being banged up after competing on two shows in a row will mean that I can’t perform at the highest level possible in Tampa!”

Suddenly, Labelle knocks the training dummy back to the floor with a powerful side kick! “BUT WHAT CONVENTIONAL LOGIC DOESN’T TELL YOU IS THAT I’M ANYTHING BUT CONVENTIONAL!” Luc stares daggers into the lens, pacing around the fallen Not Anna Daniels. “They don’t want to tell you that I’m not like every other rookie that comes in here! Everybody else here is happy to be a part of PRIME, they will do anything to find their place in this company! But I won’t be satisfied until I create my own place! There are other competitors here that are my age, and they’re all very talented, but they’re all still figuring out who they are, and who they want to be! I know what I want to be. I want to be unlike anything that PRIME has seen before.”

Luc points behind the camera. “My cameraman today, my brother Michel, has been a die-hard fan of this company since we were kids, so I’ll apologize for what I’m about to say. PRIME is rotting from the inside. Everybody’s mission is to better their own position for some kind of personal gain, for a salary increase, for fifteen minutes of fame. When I look at this roster, I see a group of people that would rather practice catchphrases in a mirror than practice holds in a ring! It’s not everybody, but it’s too many, and I’m sick and tired of fighting fighters who aren’t built to fight!

“I’ve talked about wanting to spearhead a new generation for PRIME, no matter how cocky and self-important and ambitious that sounds. I haven’t been shy about the fact that I think the fans that hate me now will one day thank me for improving the sport they love so much. I think I’ve found my method.” Luc mimes putting a title belt around his waist.

“The Alias Title is not the most prestigious title in the company. That’s not a knock, of course, because no championship could ever dream of being as revered as the Universal Title. But the Alias has something that no other championship can claim. The fact that the champion can control the name and stipulations attached to their prize.

“It disappoints me that so many Alias Champions have let this type of power slip through their hands. They had the opportunity to rebuild a portion of this company in their images, and so many squandered it. But I won’t.

“I have no doubt that Anna Daniels is violent enough to bring prosperity to the Alias Championship. I know that she wants to bring her vision into PRIME as well. But I also know that there’s no chance in hell that she wants it worse than I do! Luc Labelle as Alias Champion is something that betters professional wrestling! I will not aim to make the ingrates in the audience laugh by picking some slapstick stipulation! I will not change the name to the Quebec Flag 24/7 Cock and Balls Grand Prix in order to gain myself a little bit of clout! I will not miss my opportunity to use the Alias Championship as a stepping stone towards changing PRIME for good! Changing PRIME for the better! I have been here since April, and every waking moment since has been practice for ReVival 76!

“I don’t know what stipulation I could possibly pick yet, but I can promise that no matter what it is, it will be BULLSHIT-PROOF! It will keep the fight between the fighters, it will be a meritocracy! If, no, WHEN I win that Alias Championship, the question asked when the bell rings will no longer be who has more friends, or who has more tricks up their sleeve! No, the question will be who the better competitor is, and the answer will ALWAYS BE LUC LABELLE!”

—

MONTREAL

Dahlia’s Apartment

4 Days Before ReVival 76

Luc has been following Michel’s training schedule to a tee, and it’s been grueling. For somebody who’s allergic to cardio, Michel has been putting his younger brother through the wringer. Thankfully, today is a much-needed rest day, and Luc has been spending it with Noted Situationship Dahlia Duquette, who has the week off from work.

Dahlia is snoring, something she only does when she really needs the sleep. Luc can’t believe he’s spent enough time with her already to know that. He checks the time. Four in the afternoon. Labelle decides to check his FitBit to see how many steps he’s taken today. 14 steps HAS to be a glitch, right? He does the math in his head. The bathroom is about twelve feet from the bed. Huh. Seems about right.

As intoxicating as the laziness is, Luc knows he needs to wake Dahlia up at some point, and now is as good as any. He gently nudges her, and she jolts awake mid-snore. Isn’t young love glamorous?

“What’s up?” Luc knows that if this all works out, then in a couple of years she may instead greet him by cursing him out for waking her up and promptly going back to sleep. Still, he enjoys the fact that at this moment in time, she prefers him to her bed.

“Just wanted to talk to you, sorry.”

“No need to be sorry,” she yawns. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know,” he admits. “We haven’t done the Question of the Day yet, have we?”

“No, we haven’t. Alright, uh…do you w-”

“Hold on, hold on!” He cuts her off as quick as he can. “It’s just, uh…I had kind of a big one today.”

“Oh, uh…I had kind of a big one too.”

Both groggy, they look puzzlingly at each other, wondering who should go first.

“Do you want to just type them out and turn our phones at the same time?”

“Yeah, that works.” Luc opens up his Notes app and, with nervous hands, types out seven words.

Do you want to make things official?

He clutches his phone to his chest. For some reason, his instinct is to keep his answer as close to his heart as possible.

Three…two…one…

He reads as Dahlia turns her phone around, and as he turns his own, he reads…

Do you wanna move in with me?

Instantaneous. Neither one manages to summon up a verbal “yes”, they both just automatically, damn near involuntarily nod.

In the bliss of the moment, one coherent thought shoots into Luc Labelle’s head as all the cheerily incoherent ones pass on by.

Fuck, he thinks. Now Michel HAS to meet her.

—

TAMPA

Tampa International Airport

Day of ReVival 76

“You changed your Facebook relationship status too, bro? Jesus, I didn’t know you were in LOVE love.”

“What can I say?” Luc Labelle flashes a rare smile as he doesn’t even bother to parry his older brother’s verbal jab. “Aunt Carmen has to know that I’ve got a girlfriend now, eh?”

Yes. He’s so happy that he’s even using the Canadian Eh.

“Yeah, yeah.” Michel knows that Luc knows that he’s proud of him, but an older brother would NEVER dare to admit that. “Just don’t let this distract you from the Alias Title, alright brother?”

“Don’t worry, man, scout’s honour. I’ll be completely focused tonight. Can you go grab me something to eat?”

Michel nods and heads off to see what he can scrounge up in the TPA food court. Luc finds a bench to take a seat.

He doesn’t consider himself a sad person, but it’s a weird feeling to be this happy. It just all seems a little too good to be true. Good life has always been attainable, but a great life always seemed to be another addition on the long list of things that only the more privileged in life get to enjoy. Now, a great life is on the horizon.

Luc counts his blessings. He gets to travel the world and fight for a living, and he’s got his brother by his side. He’s making good money. He’s got a new place to stay, with a woman that he loves, and if everything goes well, he could wake up tomorrow morning as a champion for a company that he’s reluctantly beginning to love. Life is good.

His phone rings. He picks it up.

“Hello, this is Sophie Tremblay from the Emergency Department at Hôpital Marie-Clarac. You’re listed as the contact for Chantale Labelle. Am I speaking with Luc Labelle?”

You only get hit when you drop your guard.