28 Days Later: An Announcement from Ben Lynch in Regards to Culture Shock Night 1 and PRIME's Sticky-icky Sitch

THIS IS A BEN LYNCH JERKASS WOOBIE SPECIAL REPORT

Good evening.

Many of you know me as Ben Lynch.

That's true.

Today?  Today, I am the soon-to-be winner of tonight's majestic Manhunt event.  So, call me Ben the Hunter of Men.

28 Days Later

Wow, it just seems like 28 days ago I was sitting here, behind a desk, dressed to the nines, looking like an elected official, and celebrating the victory of Ivan Stanislav as our representative of the glorious universe.

That's true.

Since then - I've done what most have, and haven't.   I've decimated the MD Storm, defeated the Jabber by TimmyKO, destroyed the arena drone with a filthy-wet mop like the Toxic Avenger (a $10,000 fine by the way), established a production company (you can now find us on Jabber @POFPro), made progress on the final few chapters of my memoir, got Blaze Claymore's autograph (which is now on the shelf next to my pill bottle of Peter O'Toole's pubis), never made it to Vladicomstock (now there's no need to because Ivan's not our universal representative of what a glorious wrestler is), crop dusted Ria on average of 13 times an event (it was me all along!), and stayed at a Holiday Inn Express.

All true.

I'm currently on par for having the best debut run in PRIME history.  It's definitely been a better 28 days than Strashy Porkovich had.  Not a single wrestler can say they've come as far as I have in so little time.  Well, maybe Cancer Jiles.  He's come pretty far insi-

DID YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

Rhetorical question.  The entire world saw what happened last night.  Last night was legendary.  It's rare, it really is, to be able to see what we were able to witness last night.  It's an impressive feat.  It's like a pro wrestling unicorn, right?  I mean, how many times will you get to see Ben Lynch and Blaze "Comeback of the Year" Claymore in the same room?

Well, you're in luck! Because, tonight, you will see it again.  What a weekend in the Land of the Rising Sun!  What a treat!

I see you, Blay-Clay.  I see you.  👀

Now, let's get down to the most brass of tacks; the stick of the ick.

PRIME's Doom and Gloouem?

I'll be the first to raise my hand and say that I'm shocked.  I'm awed.  I'm not necessarily freakin' thrilled, but I'm definitely befuddled.  Have you taken a gander at the championship landscape?  Have you?

Great, because it stinks to high heaven.

Three of the five championships belong to the Glueminatti.  Another? To the most rotten of eGGs.  If I knew who the other champion was then I'd say something rather uncomfortable and not funny about him, too.

Joe Fontaine? FLAMBERGE? Hayes Hanlon? Cecilworth?  Those are your champions?

They're mine, too.

Yes, I support the Glue.  Or, you can say, that I'm stuck...on you Glue.  The "stinks to high heaven" part was more about Cancer Jiles.

A new Glue era is upon us.  A new Glue world order is imminent.  The first quarter of 2025 will end with what the rise of the New Glue Gods.  Welcome to New Glue Jack City, I guess.

That's just too much fun.

Tonight, Benjamin Franklin Lynch, the son of Glinda and Horace Lynch of Edison Park, Illinois, will commit to doing the absolute unthinkable: defeat the PRIME roster and win Manhunt!  You heard it here, folks.  Ivan Stanislav? Next.  Hessian? Next. Koalayama, Chanandler Tsonda, Anna Daniels? Next, next, next...next.

Will I go toe-to-toe with some of the Glue Bois? Probably.  Will Ivan Stanislav want to kill me?  Maybe.  If he can catch me.  I ran a 4.2 in the 40 yard dash.  He would definitely enjoy seeing me suffer in some way, I'm sure.  Not gonna happen though.  I'm winning this freakin' thing.

Then...I'm coming after you Glue.

(The following was produced by Posterity on Fire Productions.  You can catch us on Jabber @ POFPro.)

[video width="1280" height="720" mp4="https://prime-wrestling.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/glueboisvid.mp4"][/video]