An establishing shot of a small room modified to look like a talk show stage.  Dean Gullberry is dressed in a suit and sits behind a talk show desk.  A couch is next to the desk and Ben Lynch lays back and observes the room.  The background behind them is the flag of Japan.  There's a coffee table in the center of the stage.  The title overlay is on the screen, and the theme song hits.

HANGIN’ OUT WITH DEAN GULLBERRY

Before the lyrics pop up so that you can follow along, the theme song was written by a man named Mark Stefanko, from Oxbow, North Dakota.  The song is simply titled “Hangin’ Out” and features a church choir singing the chorus, which is in bold below.  This was recorded in 2015.    Mr. Stefanko moved from Oxbow to Nashua, New Hampshire in 2018.  He wrote only one other song, “Movin’ to Nashua”, in 2018, and then retired from writing music altogether.  The Stefanko family live happily in Nashua where Mark works as fry cook for the local Hardees fast food chain.

When you think of Mark Stefanko’s voice - I want you to think of Huey Lewis if he didn’t have the News.  There’s something missing, and the recording quality is poor-ish.  But, it’s catchy in a Brooks and Dunne kind of way.  Give it a shot, but realize that once you get to the chorus it’s being given emphasis by a beautiful Savannah, Georgia, church choir.  That’s the best part of the song.  Ahem…

There are humans on this planet

Who seem to always understand it

There are humans running wild

Because Anarchy is their style

But every army needs a leader

A warrior, an outcast, a deceiver

A surreal over-achiever

It's scary

BECAUSE WE’RE HANGIN’ OUT

WITH DEAN GULL-BERRYYYYY

Now, this is where the theme song takes an odd turn.  It’s not only Mark Stefanko on the track.  Step back, because allow the introduction for Ez Mike the G God, an independent rapper straight outta Millersburg, Ohio.  Ever been to Millersburg, Ohio?  This guy is a wannabe Eminem, but he’s trying so hard that he sounds like Bugs Bunny.  

That's right, forget everything he just said

This is Hangin’ Out with Dean and Ben

A no good, thrift store, host with the most

And a pro wrassler worse than Joe Fontaine’s ghost

This is where I leave you, it's time to depart

Spit fire, go hard, show off that art

And be merry

BECAUSE WE’RE HANGIN’ OUT

WITH DEAN GULL-BERRYYYYY

The music immediately ends and the title screen cuts to the host of the show with a proud smirk on his face.

Dean Gullberry: Alright, alright.

The suit is choice.  A tailored white suit jacket that’s supposed to look burnt at the cuffs and lapel, with what looks to be motor oil stains, and a few noticeable tears.  He’s wearing a black top hat with the initials DG in graffiti across a few playing cards tucked into a strap.  He’s looking mighty Alice Cooper tonight, or Ghoulardi, or someone of that nature. 

Dean Gullberry: PRIME’s first episode of Hangin’ Out is live from the Land of the Rising Sun.  I'm here with that Jerkass Woobie, y'all know him as Ben Lynch, but in this house he's the Woobie from another boobie.

Ben stares at Dean for about three seconds.  He responds sternly, and semi-robotically.

Ben Lynch: Do not call me that.

Dean Gullberry: But we shall

A devious smile.  

Dean Gullberry: Benji and I are going to review the most recent PRIME show to see what we are getting ourselves into.

Ben Lynch: I'm a little impressed to say the least.

The Jerkass Woobie is wearing a pair of blue jeans and the penis wrench TOOL t-shirt.  His beard is unkempt and his hair needs to be cut; it's a nest of curly bedhead with one hell of a V shaped receding hairline.  Bloodshot, tired, eyes make him look semi-stoned.

Dean Gullberry: I'm right there with you, brethren.

Dean strokes his braided beard.  If it wasn't for the top hat then Dean would look a lot like a biker pirate.  Or, maybe just a biker?

Dean Gullberry: PRIME is a unique place with a lot of unique faces.  Some butt ugly faces.

Ben side-eyes and points at Dean.

Ben Lynch: Butt fugly.

Dean Gullberry: Some cute faces too though.

Ben nods.

Ben Lynch: There are some cuties in PRIME.

Dean’s eyes gradually look at the top index card.  His mouth keeps changing between no emotion, and smile.  

THE BEGINNING OF THE SHOW, ABOUT BEN LYNCH

No voiceover or title screen for that.  There's no reason.  It might be simply the way they produced it, who knows?  Sometimes there's an actual excuse, which tends to be hostile in meaning, so it's hard to say why.

Dean Gullberry: So, ReVival 62, didn't have enough Ben Lynch on it.  Don’t you think that they should have inserted you into a match of some kind?  Maybe a neck on a pole phone booth death match against FLAMBERGE?  You have to get locked in a phone booth and the opponent must capture the neck from the pole using a ladder of some kind.  Step variety, preferably.  But, yea, thoughts?

Dean leans forward and rests his elbows on the desk.  He’s preparing himself for an enlightening response.

Ben pauses for a moment and drifts away into a thought.  He snaps out of it.

Ben Lynch: I'm interested in more information about this deathmatch you just mentioned.

Ben leans forward and puts his hand on his chin.

Dean sits straight, shuffles the index cards with shaky hands, and acts sus.

Dean Gullberry:  I don't know what you're talking about, Woob.

So, Ben redirects the conversation back to its proper structure.

Ben Lynch: They could've done that but I told them not to.  I understand the desire to get me in the ring.  The decibel levels will sky rocket.  Best gates in years.  It'll be a little overwhelming.  They're not ready for that.

And then Dean redirects this opening to explain the purpose of the show.  He looks directly into the camera.

Dean Gullberry: Ok, so here's what we are going to do.  We are going to discuss certain things from the ReVival 62 show as kind of a pre-game to ReVival 63, which is tonight.  This was supposed to debut on Monday night, but something about production issues.  So, here we are as kind of an unusual pre-game.  But, yea! Everyone needs Ben’s insight, and I know that I've craved it for months like an age old crack addiction.  Sink your teeth into his intelligence.  Embrace his ideas and agree to disagree with most of what he says.

Then he looks over at Ben.  He tips his top hat, and slightly bows.

Dean Gullberry: This is your show, my liege.

A brief moment of silence is highlighted by Ben’s awkward stare.  He’s leaning back with his arm resting on top of the couch and legs crossed.  He’s in a pretty profound day dream.  He’s grinning.  His eyes are staring into the ether, and they’re focused on whatever it is that’s making him happy.

But, he’s able to squeeze out a response.

Ben Lynch: Nice.

Dean recovers from his courtesy bow and looks down at the first index card on the pile.  A huge grin grows ear-to-ear.  He side-eyes Ben.

Dean Gullberry: Shall we get started?

Ben acts like he’s holding a door open for someone.

Ben Lynch: Be my guest.

Dean looks perplexed, and challenged.

Dean Gullberry: No, you be my guest.

Ben leans back, flashes his lashes, flamboyantly smirks, and waves him off.

Ben Lynch: Stawwwwp thaatuh!

Dean Gullberry: Ok, and here we go with the first category.  Drum roll, please.

A drum roll.  Then, a voiceover from Vince Howard:

WRESTLER OF THE NIGHT (NOT BEN LYNCH)

Ben is impressed that Dean got Vince Howard to do the voiceover.  Perhaps this was more legit than he imagined?  Wait, now he looks confused.  Why didn't his segment have a cool voiceover? Either way, he’s definitely tickled by what’s going on, and so is Dean.  As a matter of fact, Dean looks anxious, and slams his hands onto the desk.

Dean Gullberry: Who you gots as wrestler of the night?

Both men each have a glass of dark beer nearby.  Ben’s is on the small coffee table that separates the desk from the couch.  Dean’s beer is on his desk.  Ben grabs his frosty glass and gives it a good college chug.  He pulls the glass away and gives his frothy mustache a lickin’.  He holds the glass at eye level and critically observes it.

Ben Lynch: What are we drinking here?  It's dark.

Dean’s excited because Ben drank the beer.

Dean Gullberry: That's an oatmeal cream stout.

Ben raises an eyebrow.

Ben Lynch: A what cream what?

If Dean’s grin could fly right off his face then it absolutely would.  He shakes his head profusely.

Dean Gullberry: It's pretty good though, right?

Ben doesn't seem so sure, so he shrugs his shoulders and returns the glass.

Ben Lynch: It's alright.  It has a thicc mouth feel though.  Kinda taste like chocolate soy sauce.

There will be many moments where Dean, or even Ben, will look the camera in the eye to deliver a childish message.  Harmless, in essence, but taken out of context more often than not.  

Dean peers at the camera and snickers.

Dean Gullberry: Hitting us early with the thicc mouth feel.

Then he returns our attention to the man of the hour.

Dean Gullberry:  Who you gots though?  Who's your wrassler of the evening for this here ReVival show?

Absolutely no hesitation from the Jerkass Woobie.  Which is odd.  

Ben Lynch: Ivan Stanislav.  He's all over the show.  The Red Tide is heavy in PRIME.  Propaganda everywhere from Max Kael, to Bryan Dawkins, to Rose, to Kenny Freeman, to Ivan himself.  The Red Army is everywhere and involved in just about everything.  But, as far as overall presence goes?  Stanislav has it on lock, so it seems.

He holds up two fingers.

Ben Lynch: A close second would be Sebastian Gold for becoming the Alias Champion.  Nice work, lad.  We’ll get to you in a few.  But, just to stay on the topic of the Red Army, Dean, remember when we joked about there not being enough Communism in wrestling?

Dean Gullberry: There really isn't enough.  This is something that needs more attention.  Communism and professional wrestling go together like peanut butter and jelly, or a hammer and sickle!

Now’s about the time where they get into an in-depth conversation.

Ben Lynch: Just such intriguing people, the Russians.  You gotta wonder what they say in their heads.  Or, what they see in their heads.  Dominant breed of folk, for sure.  You really gotta keep an extra eye all around you when dealing with them.  Stanislav is a Temu Bond villain, but I really love what he's done with the place.  Red is everywhere.

Dean Gullberry: Is that a color you could see Ben Lynch wearing in the future?

Dean leans in because of his desire and curiosity.  

The question doesn't even make Ben flinch.  

Ben Lynch: I'm a technicolor dream coat, Dean.  I’d gladly lobby with the Russians.  But, I don't identify with one particular culture albeit I'm obviously Americanized.  So, I don't see myself mingling with the Reds unless we have a mutual interest.  They can be as Russian as they want as long as they don't cross my line.

The host enjoyed that, so he drum-slaps the desk three times and leans back.

Dean Gullberry: This is great, right?

He looks around the room and identifies the entire production.

Ben looks around the room with Dean and shrugs.

Ben Lynch: Sure, it's not terrible.

Dean Gullberry: Moving on, let's get to the next category.

Vince’s voice is studied at some of the world's greatest universities, and so he says…

MATCH OF THE NIGHT (NOT INVOLVING BEN LYNCH)

Ben Lynch: Do you remember the time when I fought Ghengis Greene in a Taipei death match wearing only loincloth?

Ben looks at Dean with a smile.

Dean thinks for a second and then his eyes light up.

Dean Gullberry: Oh, wow, how could I have forgotten about that?  Was that the one where your loincloth falls off and Ghengis shoves you penis first into the bucket of glass shards?

Ben sits back and looks disgusted.  His eyes glaze downward toward the floor, and his lips are shaped into a figure eight.  

He snaps at Dean with a look of concern.

Ben Lynch: Was that the one? How many matches do I have with buckets of glass and loincloths?  Yes, that's the one, and please don't remind me.  Lil Lynch is still recovering from that experience.  That son of a bee sting had Lil Lynch looking like the Demogorgon.

Dean covers his mouth and uses the other hand to waft away an imaginary scent as if Ben, or even Dean himself, just ripped a tremendous fart.

Dean Gullberry: Whoa, get outta here with that nonsense.  Delete! Delete from memory!  Wait, why even bring that up?

Ben Lynch: Great match.

Dean removes his hand from his face and smiles.

Dean Gullberry: It really was.  You won by camel clutch.

Ben Lynch: I never did put the loincloth back on.  I had a fraggin’ mace between my legs.  Imagine being put into a camel clutch with the guy's sharp weenie grinding your upper spine.

Dean Gullberry: I don't want to.

Ben Lynch: What a finish.

Ben’s attention wanders off for a few seconds until he is suddenly brought back down to Earth.

Ben Lynch: Umm, you know this is a tough one because every match served at ReVival.  PRIME is clogged with talent, so that's no surprise.  Asher Creed had a great showing against MD Storm.  Ria and that hippy fella had a pretty good match, too.  Hanlon beat up on the hotdog kid.  Rose-Tsonda…killer.  The tag team match…hell yea.

Ben likes to look all around when he talks, as if he’s talking to multiple people at the same time.

Ben Lynch: I think most would probably give it to the main event.  Fair.  That match was great.  All four men in that ring put on some great work.  But, I'm not giving it to the main event.  I should, but I won't.

He shakes his head similar to the Shannon Sharp gif.

Ben Lynch: No, I'm giving it to Dawkins-Gold.

Dean leans back with the O face similar to the Cancer Jiles emoji.

Dean Gullberry: Oh, wow, I had that in my top five.  This should have a great explanation.  I'm curious.

Ben Lynch: Yea.  I'm not celebrating Sebastian Gold winning the Alias championship.  I'm not giving the boy props.  Don't get me wrong: this is a great accomplishment and the youngster probably deserves it.  He's most likely put in the work.  But, he needs to realize that he's already done as soon as he got started.  A lil birdie told Ben Lynch that the Alias title is kind of PRIME’s stepping stone.  So, while I'd like to say that I'm coming after every title, I'll keep it logical for now and focus my attention on that gold…that Gold…is borrowing until it becomes property of -

Dean Gullberry: The Jerkass Woobie!

If looks could kill.  You don’t interrupt Ben Lynch.  That’s a cardinal sin.  His eyes snap instantly at Dean.  They’re red, kill fueled.  He grinds his teeth, and points at the host.  Then he snaps out of it and leans back.

Ben Lynch: I will end you.

Dean shrugs his shoulders and moves on.

Dean Gullberry: Not gonna lie - didn't expect Gold to win, so that was a nice ground breaker.

Ben Lynch: Yea, I needed to throw it out there.  It might not even be strapped across his waist when I get there, but just make it known right now that it'll eventually be mine.

Dean Gullberry: What'd you think of the halftime show?

Ben Lynch: I liked it.  It was powerful and it left an impression on the world.

Dean Gullberry: Me too.  Ok, let's check out our next category!

And let’s hear Vince’s wonderful voice, yet again!

SOUND BYTES (THAT DO NOT BELONG TO BEN LYNCH)

Ben Lynch: Does anyone else have a father-in-law that randomly poops their pants?

There’s no crowd because the room is too small and the maximum capacity might even be less than double digits.  Ben looks out and peers into an imaginary crowd as if he’s asking them to answer that question.  

Dean is stumped and doesn’t know why this was brought up, but he answers it in his own special way.

Dean Gullberry: I've never been married, but I've made a mess of a couple trousers in my time.

Ben Lynch: My father-in-law has this issue that stems from this medication he takes.  Basically - he can poop through the eye of a needle at 100 yards away and at just about any moment.  His glutes are not strong enough some days.  The other night he was feeding his pony and he felt it hit him.  So, he scurried off toward the house.  He makes it through the back garage door and he's only about 15 yards from a toilet.  But, it's too much.  There's a trash can by the front garage door.  He drops his pants and releases right there in the trash can.  He probably craps his pants at least once a month.

Dean Gullberry: Wow.  That really sucks.

Ben Lynch: Yea, I would wish it on my worst enemy, but right now I don't wish it upon anybody.

Dean Gullberry: Alright let's check out some moments from ReVival that caught our attention.

They turn their heads to the background where the enlarged screen currently shows the Japanese flag.  There’s a fade to black, three seconds of silence, and then the video fades into… Nick Stuart: Why are you being such a butthole, dude? Richard Parker: Buttholes don’t care about your feelings, Nick! Ben Lynch: Wow, great sound byte to transition to.  I mean, he's not wrong.

Ben turns to Dean as the scene behind them is paused.

Dean furrows his brow.

Dean Gullberry: Excuse me? My hemorrhoids say otherwise.

Ben points at Dean.

Ben Lynch: You feel that.  The butthole doesn't care if its swollen veins upset you.  You're the cry baby, not your sphincter.

Dean Gullberry: I don't want my sphincter to cry.

Ben Lynch: Nobody does.

The video transitions into… Richard Parker: I still don’t trust his face. Pause.

Ben Lynch: I just really enjoy me a good Dick Parker one liner.

Ben looks at Dean, who responds with a couple nods and a tilted nod for good measure.

Dean Gullberry: He can say some out of pocket stuff.

Ben Lynch: But, I mean, when we look at Asher Creed’s face - do we see trust?

Ben looks a lot like Tim Robinson when he’s calling someone out on their bullshit.

Dean Gullberry: I see a past acne issue.

Ben Lynch: Hopefully he never splashed water all over the place like Neutrogena advised in the past.

Dean’s eyes light up, his jaw drops, and he points at Ben.

Dean Gullberry: You too?

Ben gestures splashing his face and then acts like water is all over the place.

Ben Lynch: Water.  All over the place.

Yet another transition… Lowell Dot Com’s Reanimated Head Named Kirk: Awesome! Yet another pause.

Ben Lynch: Hilarious.

Le transition… Max Kael: Goddamn it, who the fuck cares about Bryan Dawkins!? This is getting out of control. Le pause.

Ben Lynch: Not I.

Dean Gullberry: Yea, he's kind of suck.

Dean grimaces.

Ben Lynch: He lost the belt too, so he's maintaining that level of suck.

Dean Gullberry: You know what a pineapple does to the hoo-ha, right?

Ben Lynch: I've heard.

Dean Gullberry: You think Dawkins…?

Dean pushes his shoulders up, leans forward, and modifies his face to make it look as if he’s trying to share a brain cell with the Jerkass Woobie.  This isn’t Scanners, unfortunately, so Ben’s head isn’t going to explode.  Instead, Ben reads that face as if Dean knows that Ben knows what Dean knows.

Ben smiles, tilts his head, and looks over at Dean with a positive response.

Ben Lynch: He isn't eating it for the bruhmelain…if you know what I mean?

Dean’s trademark is slapping his desk when he’s satisfied with a response, or anything in general.  So, he does that.

Dean Gullberry: I see what you did there.

Ben Lynch: I wanna be on the Red Manifesto someday.  Personal goal.  Sounds like a great time.  Max Kael is a vibe.

Ben says as he leans back.

Dean Gullberry: Max Kael isn't from this planet.

Ben Lynch: I see Commissar as someone who was summoned straight out of a really bad pulp comic by a group of drug influenced teenage shamans on a Faygo rush somewhere deep down the train tracks.

Dean ponders for a moment, and then nods in agreement.

Dean Gullberry: Mhmm, tracks. Tracks.

Billy Jean is a not my transition… Cancer Jiles: Worst entrance in all of sports, tell me I’m wrong? She’s just a pause that thinks that I am the one…

Ben Lynch: Not wrong, my eGG brother from another eGG mother.  But, when is Cancer Jiles ever wrong?

Dean Gullberry: More than you think.

Ben Lynch: Shave off that mustache, Hamlin.  Who do you think you are, Tom Selleck with an Abercrombie and Fitch hair-do?  You don't need to hate yourself that much.  At least Tom has ‘sell’ in his name.  Hayes Hanlon couldn't even sell a headless parakeet to Billy Enforcy.

Ben does one of the “Pshh” deals where he acts like he said something hard hitting and street level profound.

Dean, on the other hand, is intrigued.

Dean Gullberry: That the blind kid?

Ben Lynch: The one and only.

Dean starts to chuckle to himself, and he too looks out to the imaginary crowd.  

Dean Gullberry: Wow.  What a loser.

Now this is a story all about how my transition got twisted upside down… Hayesboard: … (cardboard for so European) And I’d like for you pause and sit right there, I’ll tell you all about how I became the Fresh Lynch of I Don’t Care…

Ben Lynch: Cardboard because that's how dry and bleh he is.

Dean Gullberry: Are you picking on Hayes Hanlon specifically, or are you just being vaseeshish? Fa-zee-zish? Faceeatish?  You know what I mean.

Ben Lynch: Oh, yea, I just don't really like anyone most of the time.

Ben is confused.

Ben Lynch: Are they glue bois because they eat it?

Dean Gullberry: Solid question that I have no answer for.

Alright kids!  Today’s is brought to you by the letter T, for transition! Richard Parker: See Nick? Crocodiles. IT ALL LEADS TO CROCODILES. Nick Stuart: My broadcast partner, proof that you can get CTE by merely WATCHING wrestling. And, kids, don’t forget about tomorrow!  Tomorrow we’re having the most wonderful P day!  Are there P’s out there for the P God? P stands for pause!

Ben Lynch: Nick with the CTE roast.  Listen, Nick, CTE is no joking matter.

Ben looks taken aback.

Dean does too.

Dean Gullberry: Definitely not something you want to make fun of.

Ben Lynch: It probably does all lead to crocodiles though.  If you think about it.

Dean Gullberry: You think it has something to do with dinosaurs and evolution?

Ben Lynch: Maybe.  We are all probably crocodilian in some way.

Dean Gullberry: Nick Stuart is in de-nile.

Ben side-eyes Dean, and points at him.  He shakes his finger.

Ben Lynch: Ah, yes.

Alexa, how about another transition? Daytona Diamonds: Kerry, you no good peckerwood! You fuckin’ scum suckin’ leech! You’re gonna regret this, y’hear me?! Fuck you, fuck RIA, and fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck ya’ girl Ami! You wanna bury somethin’?! How ‘bout I bury deez nuts in your goddang mouth?! Fuckin’ dicknose! I’ll fuckin’ end you! The Poor Whoresmen run the game, boy! We deal the cards! We do what we fuckin’ want! Y’hear me, Kerry?! Y’hear me?! Alexa, pause.

Ben Lynch: Like Dan Ackroyd in that really weird movie with Chevy Chase and a bunch of other stars.  Didn't Dan’s character have a dick nose?

Dean shrugs.

Dean Gullberry: Dunno.  I don't watch movies.  I'm too busy being an internet sensation.

Ben Lynch: Daytona really went off the deep end there.

Dean Gullberry: He said things.

Ben Lynch: Wonder if Kerry Peckerwood heard him?

Dean Gullberry: Is that the lady that sings the Sunday Night Football theme song?

Because we waited all day for a transition night… Fred Dick: GOD DAMN YOU RIA LAMPSHADE!!! GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL!! Isn’t that what she says in the song?  Pause.

Ben Lynch: Lampshade is a really odd last name.  What is that, 14th century Guatemalan?

Dean Gullberry: It sounds like something Polyasian, so you're probably right.

Ben Lynch: Lampshade.  Lampshade.  No, that might actually be Aquitaine French now that I think of it.  Pronounced like ‘Lahmpeh-shah-day’.

Dean Gullberry: You sure it's not like Darjeeling or somethin’?  Sounds kinda Middle-Eastern.

Ben Lynch: Definitely Aquitaine French.  I studied French Regional Surnames for a semester back in 2007 so I remember the Lampshade Scandal of 1478 with the Versighs and the Belvedere Affairs and stuff.  Enriching story arcs back then.  France is wild. It's no wonder FLAMBERGE is so sus.

Both men nod because they’ve made the decision to rhyme a word with transition… Vince Howard: This next match is for SEVENTY-EIGHT FALLS! How’d they do?  Did they drop a lot of jaws?  Did they rhyme the word and then make sure they pause?

Dean Gullberry: He got me.

Ben Lynch: Me too.

Dean Gullberry: That’s too many falls.

Ben Lynch: Was this sound byte appropriately placed before the wheelchair guy?  Is that PC?

Oh it’s another traaaaansitioooonnnnnn, yeaaaaaaah you knooooooow… Rexton William Bader: This place smells like kangaroo shit and pine cones! That was supposed to be like the song “Revolution” by the Beatles.  Pause.

Ben Lynch: I thought Austria smelled pretty good.

Dean Gullberry: Sounds like something one of my ex-girlfriends found in candle form at Bath and Body Works.

Ben Lynch: Pine cone, definitely.

Dean Gullberry: If that guy came up to you tomorrow and offered you his services as a manager, would you take it?  Would you be managed by Rexton ‘Master’ Bader?

Ben immediately shakes his head.

Ben Lynch: I don't like to associate myself with people whose names sound like something gross.

Transition!  Get your ice cold transitions here! Scott Hunter: MY ARTICHOKES! Pause! Getch’er pause!  Red hot pause. Getch’er pause here!

Dean Gullberry: I don't think we need to go on about this one.

Ben Lynch: Well, the artichoke is an interesting plant, Dean.

Dean Gullberry: But, that's not why he said it.

Ben Lynch: I could go for a good spinach and artichoke dip right now.

Or a transition dip… Alexei Ruslan: I did not know you spoke ebonics, comrade. These are getting really bad.  Pause.

Dean Gullberry: Do you know any ebonics?

Ben Lynch: Oh, sure, I'm pretty ghetto fabulous.  I can speak jive.

Ben dusts off his shoulders, smirks, and shares an awkwardly smug look with Dean.

Dean does nearly the same thing, almost a mirror image of Ben, but he slowly nods.

Dean Gullberry: You a jive turkey?

Ben Lynch: I wobble the wobble and gobble the gobble if you know what I mean.

Dean looks confused.

Dean Gullberry: I do not.

How about a jive transition? Ivan Stanislav: DYAAHAAHAA! Jive pause.

Ben and Dean lock eyes for about three to five seconds.  It’s hard to say how long it really was, because you never know when a superior being from another galaxy has figured out how to pause reality and walk through it while looking at us like we’re museum galleries or something like that.

But, it wasn’t very long, and when they’re done visually scissoring, they both slowly arch back and begin to belly laugh toward the sky.

Both Ben & Dean: DYAAHAAHAA!

Guess what? This is the last transition.  Apologies for how strange that was.  For complaints please call Transition Human Resources.  The phone number will be in the bio.  Transition. Richard Parker: Even better than Sid Phillips! This is the last pause that will occur, and now Richard Parker’s slightly irritating face morphs into the Japanese flag.  If you were a fan of all the pausing then that’s cool, because I wasn’t.

Ben Lynch: I don't get this reference, but if Rick says it then it must be right.

Dean Gullberry: I think Sid Phillips was a wrestler with PRIME.

Ben Lynch: Yea, I dunno.  I hear this guy's name from time to time.  Kinda like Joe Fontaine.  Not sure of the significance, but people laugh a lot about it.  So, hahaha Sid Phillips.

Dean Gullberry: DYAAHAAHAA!

Ben leans away from Dean as if he’s been hit with an abnormal amount of Dean’s mouth debris.  He puts his hands in front of his face to shield him from any further salival downpours.  That’s a good word: salival.  

Ben Lynch: Alright, enough with the Stanislols.

Ben says behind his hand shield.  Dean stops his Stanisloling and looks at Ben with a very serious face.

Dean Gullberry: I think PRIME will enjoy this.

Ben shrugs.

Ben Lynch: Maybe?

Dean shrugs.

Dean Gullberry: Maybe it's not Woobie enough?

Ben looks at Dean with another ice cold serial killer glare.  But, he doesn’t let this one get to him, and he changes the subject.

Ben Lynch: Have you ever wanted to pull over and snag a freshly mauled deer carcass off the highway?

Vince, whattaya say old pal?  Wanna give’r another go? FINAL THOUGHTS (ABOUT THE SHOW, NOT BEN LYNCH) Ben Lynch: Yay, it's almost over.

Ben claps.

Dean Gullberry: I think we've done a pretty great job of handling this episode.

Ben Lynch: It's been OK.

Dean Gullberry: So, final thoughts about ReVival 62?  Whatcha thinkin’ cap’n?

Dean leans forward and anticipates Ben’s response.

Ben’s still off in la-la land, per usual.  Deep in thought.  He’s reaching out to the universe telepathically, searching through the universal cloud for a brain cell to share.

He ends his search for the moment.

Ben Lynch: I'm still curious about my question a moment ago.  Have you ever seen a dead deer on the side of a highway and thought: I bet that backstrap slaps my face right off?

Dean looks annoyed.

Dean Gullberry: That's disgusting.

Ben Lynch: We're missing out.

Ben wiggles around in his seat until he’s comfortable.  He clears his throat, and then looks over at Dean. 

Ben Lynch: So, I just want to make sure that everyone understands how excited I got when the Joe Fontaine funeral commercial happened.  What a masterpiece.  No idea who he is.  Don't care.  That commercial made me laugh more than it should've.

Ben Lynch: Outside of that, and all that we've already discussed?  I'm comfortable.  This is right.  You know - PRIME is one of those places that you hear about all the time.  The folks in the circuit always talk about making it to PRIME.  They’d have the shows on in the back.  There was always a bitter nobody that foamed at the mouth when PRIME was brought up.  If you do this long enough then you run into someone once every three corners you turn.  Old vets who faded out of PRIME only to find out that the grass isn’t any greener on the other side.  Scorned one-and-dones who tucked their tail as soon as the Russian Bear said their name.  The snap of the gauntlet.  Or, just good old fashioned wrestlers who figured out that this just wasn’t for them.  PRIME is a test of the ego, for good or for worse.  If you can’t keep yours in check then be prepared to be checked.  I mean - I get it.  It’s kind of what I’m here for.  It’s kind of why I decided to try out several months ago.  To be checked one final time in the most successful promotion in history.

Ben looks out at the imaginary crowd with prideful eyes.  Dean reaches over and presses a little red button that we haven’t noticed this entire time, and it’s right there on his desk.  The imaginary crowd begins to cheer, and clap.

Ben nods, closes his eyes, and soaks it all in.  The cheering ends, and Ben continues.

Ben Lynch: There’s a lot of talent here.  There are creatures here that sing the song of my people.  My motives, and my actions, may not make it seem as if I belong; but I belong more than you know.  PRIME called to me.  Beckoned…from afar.  Find peace with my people, fight it out, scale the mountain, be the king, and die a legend.  Corny.  Cliche.  Somewhat inspiring.  I’m just going to go out doing what I love.  I’m going to do it here, and I’m going to meet each and every single one of you in the ring until the time comes when I can no longer do this; for whatever reason.

Dean hits the red button again, and Ben takes another gulp of that cream stout that’s probably room temperature by now.  That’s when they’re good though, so he’s not worried about that.  He licks the foam off his mustache and continues after the cheering fades.

Ben Lynch: There’s a few names that I could toss out there.  They’re on my radar.  Dream matches.  I think what I’m politely saying is that I’ve got a list of people that I plan to defeat.  If you are thinking you’re on the list then you probably are.  I may, or may not, have already mentioned a few of them.  I know where you are.  I see you.  But, now you gotta suffer through paranoia.  I’m a very patient man.  I’ve waited this long.  I can wait longer.  But, I see you.

Dean looks out at the imaginary crowd and points two fingers at his eyes, and then points those same fingers back at the imaginary crowd.

Ben nods, and then joyfully smiles.

Ben Lynch: Final thoughts?  There’s a lot that I can do here, Dean.  PRIME is ripe.  I mean it is absolutely ripe.  They welcome you in with open arms because this is a group that’s been together for so long that they crave a new nemesis.  This is a group that lives for the fight.  If you can’t live for that then you gotta live somewhere else.  I’m goin’ out fightin’, Dean.  Final thoughts?  Yea, PRIME, I see you.  This is it.  I see you.  I patiently wait for the day that you see me.  It’s goin’ down once we lock eyes.

Dean presses the button, and then immediately stands from his seat.  He’s clapping his hands and pointing at Ben between claps.  He looks out at the crowd and mouths the word ‘wow’ several times.  He sits once the cheering has faded, and dusts off his shitty looking suit.

He makes one final loud clap, points at Ben, and looks at the crowd.  This might be the happiest he’s been in the entire show.

Dean Gullberry: Hell yes.  And the Oscar goes to!...Just beautifully said, Ben.  You’re an orator; a real master of the craft.  This is it, isn’t it?  You’re really going out there for the final showdown.  I’m, all of a sudden, very intrigued and extremely interested.  But, that’s all we have for you today.  We hope you enjoyed it.  ReVival 63 is just a few hours away where you’ll catch this man right here…

He leans forward and reaches out with his fist so that Ben can give him some dap.  Ben does, because Ben’s a real one.  Dean, however, has forgotten that the little explosion that comes after the dap is kind of ancient history.  He does it anyway and then sits back down so that he can address the people of the PRIMEverse.

Dean Gullberry: …layin’ a voluntary beatdown on young MD to open the show.  Will there be a next time?  Are we gonna hang out again, folks?  Do you wanna hang out with your favorite Dean Gullberry?  Honestly - we want to find out.  This is the new world, friends, we get all of our insight from our followers.  So, if you loved this, you want some more of it, you want this pilot to spawn into many, many episodes of absurdity and misinformation: then please react to this video with that emoji of a laughing face turned sideways and laughing so hard that it’s crying.  If you’d like to hang out one more time before making your judgement call then react to this video with an egg plant emoji.  Hate this stupid fuckin’ show and wanna see it banished into eternity because I’m a terrible host, and Ben’s a worthless degenerate?  React to this video with your favorite emoji of some man makin’ the O face.  We wanna hang out with you again, and I think that we will, so until next time: this is your favorite Dean Gullberry, with my brother in Christ, the Jerkass Woobie, Ben Lynch, …and thanks for Hangin’ Out.

The sound oddly cuts out, and Dean can be seen smacking the index cards against the desk and then discussing something with Ben.  Instead of listening to their conversation we get Vince Howard with the final remarks before the show fades away into obscurity (perhaps).

Vince Howard:  Tonight’s episode of Hangin’ Out with Dean Gullberry is not sponsored by, but we wish it was, Joe Fontaine’s Funeral.  For the fans of seeing Joe Fontaine’s death a true part of canon then this is for you.  Joe Fontaine’s Funeral, we’re not brought to you by it, but we damn well would love for you to attend, somehow.