The House of Fun

Thursday 15th August, 2024 Sky Zone Trampoline Park Beaverton, Oregon , United States of America

“Really? You know this is for kids right?”

Seán O’Neill followed the question with an anxious look towards his new buddy, RIA. They stand on the precipice of an almost entirely vertical drop. Further below than O’Neill cared to think about right now awaited an area, roughly the size of a high school swimming pool, filled to the brim with plastic balls in every colour you could imagine.

“Do you know what kids do infinitely better than you Seán?”

A grin spread slowly across RIA’s face, you wouldn’t say it was an evil grin per say, but it was certainly edging towards it.

“Enlighten me?”

In response, RIA leant in towards O’Neill and said in a very serious, almost stoic tone.

“They know how to have fun!”

No sooner had the words left her lips than she shoved the fully unprepared Irishman over the edge. A high pitched squeal echoed up towards her, hearing a sound like that escape from Seán turned her grin to a smirk. She shook her head and muttered under her breath.

“Teaching a middle aged dude to have fun, this is some Benjamin Button shit for sure.”

With that, she stepped over the edge and made a considerably more graceful descent to the ball-pit below. As she caught the last minute curve of the slide that ensured a safe landing, she was met with a furious barrage of multicoloured projectiles.

*****

Wednesday 23rd April, 1997 Alton Towers Resort Alton, Staffordshire, England

“Absolutely not! Not in this lifetime, nor the next...”

Young Seán O’Neill was staring up at the colossus known as Nemesis. 2,349 ft long, 43 ft tall and with a top speed of 50 mph – Nemesis, the first of its kind in Europe, this was the next generation of rollercoaster. Frankly, it was Seán O’Neill’s idea of hell on earth.

He felt a squeeze of his right hand. It was clasped, fingers interlocked with Erin’s left hand. He looked up into her face, where he already knew all too well, what he’d find waiting for him. One eyebrow was arched, and those big brown eyes sparkled with mischief. Reaching up on her toes she planted a kiss on his cheek.

“By the end o’ the night, ye’ll be on it.”

There was no question in her voice, no suggestion that there would be any discussion. She was simply stating a fact.

“Oh you think so? Dream on missus, nothing on this earth is getting me on that thing!”

He meant it too. He knew she’d have already made her plan of attack; no doubt she’d be planning it for weeks. But not this time, admittedly this girl had the power to make him do things he had no intention of with a look, but this time, his resolve would stand firm.

Still standing on the tips of her toes, she whispered something in his ear. His eyes almost popped out of his head. He looked back at Erin; she’d now returned to her normal height and was looking up straight into his eyes and she wore a look of faux-disappointment.

“I mean, it’d be a real shame tae have brought it all the way here ‘n nay wear it...”

She shrugged but she already knew she’d won, his ‘steadfast’ resolve lay in ruin at his feet. He shook his head, beaten again.

“Here Seán, you’ll enjoy this... Dortmund are winning!”

The shout came from Logan, as he approached with his new girlfriend Kathy. O’Neill tried to hide his smirk. Logan, whose hair had now grown half way down his back, had decided the best way to get Kathy’s attention had been to dye it the same shade of blue as hers. In fairness to his best friend, it seemed to have worked out for him.

Personally Seán felt Kathy was far too cool for Logan, in that way friends do when they like your partner. She wore thick-rimmed spectacles that had a 90s vibe to them. Her own hair was short and spiked in a deliberately messy style. Kathy was much more switched on to things than either Logan or Seán, she’d already put them on to a slew of heavy metal bands they’d been unaware of beforehand. No other way to put it, she was cool.

Another squeeze of his hand drew his attention back to Erin.

“United losing and well... you know... looks like yer in for a hell’uva night mister!”

He had to fight the overwhelming urge to scoop Erin up over his shoulder and march straight to their bedroom; he REALLY had to fight it. She could always read his thoughts and added fuel to the fire by giving him a suggestive wink.

“That’s two-nil on aggregate, oul Fergie’s nose will be particularly red tonight.”

Logan grinned as he delivered the good news - Few things pleased Seán O’Neill quite as much as hearing Manchester United were losing. He looked up at Nemesis and could barely hide his excitement. Logan had a passion for rollercoaster’s that Seán certainly didn’t share.

“Look at her! Oh boy I can’t wait, you looking forward to it?”

“NO!”, “YES!”

Seán and Erin answered together and their contradiction brought a laugh from both Logan and Kathy.

“Oh believe me, he’s lookin’ forward tae it, he’s guna find it very... rewarding”

It was clear the meaning of Erin’s words went straight over Logan’s head, but the look Kathy shared with Erin suggested she knew all too well what Seán’s reward was going to be. Erin planted another kiss on his cheek and then let his hand go as she scuttled over and linked arms with Kathy; they walked off on their own, giggling loudly. Watching them walking off, Logan turned back to Seán.

“Should we be nervous?”

“Definitely” Seán agreed.

*****

RIA took her chance to escape; she looked back at the scene from the ball-pit and her sides split with laughter. Around ten children surround O’Neill, screaming with joy as they continue their relentless assault on the Irishman. Seán gives his best impression of a lion’s roar as he starts chasing the kids, his pace clear he has no intention of actually catching any of them.

A few moments later, a very sweaty and utterly exhausted O’Neill emerges from the pit and makes a show of how out of breath he is as he slumps down into the chair beside RIA.

“Holy shit, did my eyes deceive me? It looked like you were actually having fun.”

O’Neill crooked an eyebrow as he replied. “Fun? You weren’t the one getting your arse kicked by a group of little thugs! I noticed they didn’t even attack you.”

RIA smirked “Kids love me, my dude. They saw you hurling those balls at me before I’d even made it to the bottom of the slide and well, justice was served.”

“Justice?” O’Neill barked as he began laughing, RIA chuckled herself.

“You had a blast, and you know it! Life happens all around ya, Seán. Spend less energy tryin’ to avoid it, you’ll have a lot more available to use enjoyin’ it.”

O’Neill nodded in reply. “I know, it’s just difficult, changing the habits of a lifetime. Rome wasn’t built in a day after all. But you’re right, even if this feels a bit like an extreme example – I don’t think I want to make a habit of spending my free time at kiddies play parks.”

“Nah, ya definitely wouldn’t wanna make this part of your routine, best to leave that kinda horse shit to the Whoresmen! Right, Come on old man, Laser Tag time!”

*****

“Come on, this is more yer speed ye oul fart!”

Erin dragged him towards a tall Ferris Wheel, Seán (with little choice in the matter) followed along. Logan and Kathy made their own way to the wheel, laughing at the sight of O’Neill being dragged along by a determined Erin.

Seán was bundled in to the gondola in the same fashion he’d been brought, Logan made to get in after them but before he could get a foot inside, Erin wagged her finger at him.

“Nae chance Logan, get yer own, this wan’s full!”

Logan laughed, raising both hands palm outwards in a gesture of surrender as he backed out of the gondola leaving Seán and Erin on their own.

“You boys really don’t have a clue do you?” mocked Kathy, she winked at Erin “Enjoy the ride you two!”

A few moments passed and they’d started the slow ascent. O’Neill played with his hands nervously.

“Babe, you know I probably should’ve told you this before...”

Erin gave him a look full of wonder for what was coming next; he wasn’t going to say it was he? About bloody time!

“...I’m scared of heights.”

It was remarkable how quickly her look changed, she was very definitely unimpressed.

“Not what I was hopin’ for O’Neill!”

Seán looked apologetic as he continued “It’s called acrophobia, my brain it just reacts to heights differently. I can be standing with both feet planted on the ground and looking up at something, my brain is like ‘oh, imagine falling off of that’ and then the panic sets in.”

She smiled, intertwined her fingers with his own and then snuggled up against him. “You’re safe Seán, you’re with me.”

Her words took the edge off his growing anxiety, at least for a moment. The embarrassment was starting to creep in too. This was another of the lovely effects of acrophobia, the embarrassment of not being able to cope with something so simple. He was a grown man after all - What kind of grown man had panic attacks walking up a staircase over say three stories high? What kind of grown man had panic attacks watching someone on the television screen standing on an open balcony?

They were reaching the pinnacle of the arc now, and Erin felt the tightening of his hand locked in hers. He’d not spoke again in the few minutes they’d been climbing up into the sky. She looked up into his face, it was white as a sheet, cold sweat sitting on his brow, his free hand was a bright red with the effort of gripping the gondola’s rail like a vice.

“Sweetheart...”

Only his eyes moved, the rest of him remained rigid. Erin sat up properly, no longer resting her head on his shoulder. She took his face in both of her hands and slowly turned his head to face hers, there was no warmth in his face at all.

“I’m here, I’m no goin’ anywhere, I’ve got ye.”

He gave the lightest of nods. Little by little as he gazed into her eyes he felt the tension start to fade slowly, but it was fading. Erin felt heat creeping back into his face and she smiled. He couldn’t fight against that smile; it was the key to anything in this world. As long as she smiled at him like that, he could do anything.

“So tell me what ye’ve got planned for yer match wey Logan on Sunday – main event! Bet ye cannae wait?”

He knew what she was doing, making him talk, distracting him, and he loved her all the more for it. Here he was, feeling ashamed of himself for not being able to even sit on a fucking Ferris Wheel without panicking, and she didn’t care, she wasn’t judging him, she was making things better. She always made things better, made him better.

“It’s always different when your going up against someone you know, someone you’ve shed blood with...”

*****

“So you got Sage. First time going against him, yeah? Must feel a little weird after War Games?”

O’Neill sighed “It’s always different when your going up against someone you know, someone you’ve shed blood with...”

He paused, déjà vu had taken a hold of him, he’d said those words before. He looked up at RIA and continued.

“I like Sage, there’s a good dude in there...”

RIA gave O’Neill a disbelieving look at that remark.

“I know he struggles to show it sometimes, but hell if anyone can relate to that I can. I owe them you know, all of Team Farthington. I wasn’t supposed to be there, I was just thrust upon them, a nobody who was more than capable of letting them down. I couldn’t have blamed them if they’d all just assumed I’d get pinned and cost them their shot at glory.”

“But you didn’t.” RIA injected.

“No, I didn’t, but the point is that’s what the world expected, but that wasn’t how they treated me. At that time, you have to understand, I was questioning everything. Had I made yet another mistake in a long list by coming back? Had I set my sights too unreasonably high by coming to PRIME? Wasn’t I better off staying where I was, out of the limelight, just training the next generation?”

“We all think things like that sometimes, Seán.”

“But they just accepted me as part of the team, they made me feel welcome, made me feel like I was good enough to be on this roster. I promise you, there is a good dude in Sage, we all have our demons, and he’s fighting his. But just like the others, I owe him; they picked me up when I was at my lowest ebb, I’ll never forget that.”

“That’s the second time you’ve said you owe him, dude. Owe him what?”

O’Neill smiled as he looked up again. “I owe him my best. Let’s face it; I’m consistently inconsistent when it comes to my record in PRIME. But I owe it to Sage to be at my best come ReVival, nothing else is acceptable.”

Seán got to his feet and started stretching out the aches from the Laser Tag match.

“He’s earned my respect, he deserves that I demonstrate that to the world, and the only way I can do that is give him everything I’ve got. And then when it’s done; win, lose or draw, I’m going to shake his hand.”

This was too much for RIA “Uhh, you’re gonna shake his hand? Did ya see what happened to the last idiot who tried to shake his hand after a match? I know you feel this friendship with him, but Sage don't play well with others Seán.”

“And how many have, quite correctly, said the same about me over the years? I’m going to shake his hand and Sage will do whatever he feels is right in that instant.”

“Yeah, head-butt your dumb ass! Speakin’ from experience here.”

O’Neill nodded “If that’s what he feels in the moment, so be it. Now come on, enough talking – what’s next on this whacky adventure?”

RIA’s expression changed to a grin as she replied “Ninja Warrior time!”

O’Neill’s expression too changed, his changed to one of confusion however “What the hell is Ninja Warrior?”

“Oh you’re gonna LOVE this!”

*****

“Oh you’re going to LOVE this! You guys ready?”

Logan could barely contain his excitement, he couldn’t take his eyes away, the time had come; the reason he’d been so desperate for the group to come here – Nemesis.

Potential excuses immediately started rushing through Seán’s mind, desperation for an escape route made it hard to concentrate on the thoughts clearly. He felt as though his head had been trapped in a vice as someone tighten it’s grip.

“Actually guys, if it’s ok I think I’m guna gi’e it a miss. I dun’nae feel the best. I’m sorry babe, would you mind sittin’ with me?”

Relief flooded over him like a waterfall. Logan and Kathy wouldn’t notice the lie, but he knew it for what it was. He had to fight back tears - She’d wanted to go on the rollercoaster almost as much as Logan, but instead she’d made an excuse so he could save face.

“Aww, no way, sorry to hear that Erin.” Came Logan’s reply.

“I can sit with you hun” Kathy suggested.

“Naw, don’t be silly, you two go ahead n have a blast. Seány will sit with me; I can make it up ta him later on.” She gave Kathy another of her playful winks. Kathy grinned in response and taking Logan’s hand she led him off to join the queue.

Erin turned to look at O’Neill, and found he was already looking at her with an intensity he normally reserved for being in the ring. Her eyes met his, and she saw the fire in them, but she refused to break the eye contact.

“I love you.”

She rolled her eyes at him, but she did so playfully. Her answer was in the same playfully mocking tone; “About time O’Neill, ye really know how ta keep a girl waiting...”

In a split second he crossed the distance between them and his hands had gently cupped her face. In that moment there was nothing else in the world, just her.

“With every fibre of my being – I love you.” The fire in his eyes burnt even brighter if that was at all possible.

She scrunched her nose in that way that drove him mad, still maintaining the eye contact. “Awh go on, dun’ stop now, first time ye’ve said anything sensible since ah met ye.”

But he didn’t say anything more, instead he kissed her. He didn’t stop kissing her.

A short while later, Logan and Kathy approached, fresh from their ride on Nemesis. They shared a smile at the sight of their friends standing in the middle of the path, still kissing like the world depended on it, oblivious to everything else around them.

Logan motioned to Kathy they should go, and then called over. “We’ll see you guys at breakfast, yeah?”

O’Neill’s left arm untangled from around Erin to give a thumbs up gesture in the general direction of where the sound had come from. Erin’s right arm, now free also shot up with a waving goodbye gesture.

Logan and Kathy shared another laugh and left them to it.

*****

Both utterly exhausted from a day full of adventures at the kiddy’s play park, O’Neill and RIA hobbled their way out of Sky Zone. RIA made a gesture with her hands that said both “Well?” and “Told ya, didn't I?” at the same time. O’Neill laughed and nodded.

“You were right, I was wrong, it was good craic!”

Rather than answer, RIA motioned with her hand for Seán to continue.

“...And I can see how important it is to focus on enjoying the world around me instead of ignoring it!”

Nodding at this RIA did reply this time. “Good! And you’re sure ya don’t want me to come out to ringside with ya, since you’re coming out for my matches for a while?”

“Nah, I appreciate the offer though, thank you.”

RIA made to walk off, but she stopped and turns back to O’Neill.

“Look dude, I don't really care about this debt you feel you owe Sage. You can’t trust him, Seán, you know that.”

O’Neill just smiled. RIA turned back towards her car, she’d only made it a few steps however before Seán called after her.

“RIA, I mean it, thank you. I appreciate all the help you’re giving me. I know I’m not always the easiest person to be around. You’ve been a good friend to me, and I don’t have many of those left. So thank you.”

RIA smiled back “You ain't as bad as you think, Seán. See ya at work!” And with that they went their separate ways.