Confessions & Recollections IV: Leap

Sacramento International Airport Sacramento, CA August 8, 2024 9:18 PM

Time has been scraping by for hours. A second hand drags itself from one marker to the next, its soft, predictable tick… tick… tick is comforting in the back of my mind. I’m not sure why I can hear the sound of this clock. There isn’t one nearby. However, I find myself standing in the center of Sacramento International Airport staring up at a 56’ foot tall, 10,000 pound red rabbit that is leaping into a massive suitcase several floors beneath it.

My eyes are bloodshot, there’s a week’s worth of groceries struggling against the breaking strain in the bags beneath them and a slight auburn and peppered gray five o’clock shadow is starting to show. I’m head-to-toe in crimson sweats, hood pulled up tight over my head. I don’t expect to get recognized too often, but this is one of those times when I can’t be recognized.

She’d recognize me anywhere though.

“You look terrible,” she said with a laugh. I could hear her footfalls clacking against the tile floor followed by a familiar arm wrapping around my waist as she stood beside me. I glanced over to her and smiled and put my own arm around her.

“Thank you,” I whispered and clutched her that bit tighter. I could feel my eyes welling up a little, but fought to hold anything from escaping. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you flying out.”

She nodded and stared up at the gigantic rabbit before us. “Y’know, people throw coins down into the suitcase and make a wish.” She fishes around in her pocket, pulls out a dulled nickel and forces into her palm. “Go ahead. Seems like you need it more than me right now.”

I chuckled. Maybe the first positive emotion I’ve emitted in days, but she’s right. I flick my wrist and watch as the coin falls and falls and falls. I swear I can hear it make a sound, just like the clock.

“What’d you wish for?” Her eyes sparkled as she asked. It was a genuine question, something I often felt like I didn’t get a lot of outside of the reconciliation room, but then again those sessions were never about me and neither were the questions.

Something he can never have, Jessica.

I shake my head clear. Matthew has found his way in as well. I look back down at Jess and give her a half smile. “I can’t tell you that. Otherwise it won’t come true.”

We share a short laugh and kind of stare into each other's eyes for a moment.

You’ll get lazy again, Donovan. You’ll forget all about her. Out of sight, out of mind.

Jacob has re-joined the party. I’m trying to put all of the focus on the real, tangible woman standing beside me. These aren’t vampires. They don’t need my permission to come inside. I break eye contact because I’ve been distracted. She notices something’s off and reaches to hold my hand.

A small wave of relief laps upon the shore of my consciousness. Fleeting, like all waves, beholden to the pull of something greater at play.

“Hey,” I break the silence. How long has it been? tick… tick… tick. It had faded into the background, time wasn’t essential in these moments. “Let’s get your luggage and get out of here.”

She held up the carry-on bag in her other hand that I hadn’t once noticed. I mouthed the word ‘oh’ and she laughed. We agreed to go back to the hotel. She was tired from an eight hour flight and I was just tired.

As we left the airport, I craned my head around to get one more look at Leap, the big red rabbit and made my wish a second time. There were no interlopers in the peanut gallery on this occasion.

✟✞✟✞✟

Kimpton Sawyer Hotel Room 621 Sacramento, CA August 8, 2024 10:45 PM

We made it into Black Bear Diner for a quick bite, after we both agreed we were pretty hungry. I hadn’t eaten since, anyway, from there we made it back to my, our(?) hotel room. She settled into the ugly maroon chair in the corner while I sat on the edge of the bed, working my shoes off one by one.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Jess lift up my Five Star Bible. Internally, it feels as if someone has started shoveling coal into a boiler. I immediately get hot. No one has ever handled my copy of the bible before.

I watch her open it, and a ripped page slowly floats out to the gray carpet, sticking the landing in one of the patterned crisscrosses. In unison our eyes travel from the discarded page up to meet. She can tell I might be slightly perturbed, but she disarms me with a smile.

“Gets a lot of use, huh?” She flipped through the pages, several dogeared, many others loosening from the cracked spine. I won’t tell her the damage is recent, and not from use, but from, well I can’t quite remember what.

Was I ever really in Winter’s Port last month?

No.

You were home.

Home sweet home.

The Chapel where we belong. Where we can all be together.

“Donovan?” I never saw her get up from the chair or felt her take the quick steps across the room to the bed. She laid the bible in my hands and I instinctively clutched it, knuckles bared white. They’ve been like that a lot lately, it feels.

I heard a sigh escape her lips as she sat beside me, slung an arm around my waist and nestled her head into my shoulder. I leaned my head against hers and wept. It’s been so long since I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable around anybody that wasn’t a professional. Putting all my trust in another person, someone that isn’t family.

Someone that could…

…turn on you again? We know she’ll do it. Once she sees the real you.

How long do you think you can hide us from her?

tick… tick… tick.

Sooner or later.

None of this is meant for you.

This isn’t the ending you deserve.

Happiness is a…

“We’ll get you through this.” I can hear her talking to me. Stroking my hair. She’s trying to comfort me, and I’m here on the ledge of the abyss watching myself crawl back in. Through the backdoor in my mind, I feel them filing in one by one. I can feel my body tensing as they take their seats at the tournai.

I try to turn my thoughts back to Jess. To Paxton Ray. The Golden 1 Center, even closer than it was before. Am I even ready for this? Am I fit for a title defense? To appear on television?

Get yourself together, Donovan. Pick up the pieces as you always have. You can do this.

We can do this.

Delilah’s encouragement stirs something within me and my head lifts away from Jess. I squeeze her hand in mine before letting it go. She hasn’t said a single word about the way I stretched my liver out on the rocks for her last night and told her where I’ve been since we last saw one another.

But I feel like I can finally ask something I’ve been avoiding, even if it’s not the most important thing going on in my world right now.

“Did you know Jeremiah has been training with me?” I asked quietly and saw her eyes go as big as saucers. She slowly shook her head. “He’s a good kid, a natural in the ring. A lot of talent, charisma. Still young, still raw, but he has a bright future.”

She smiles. I smile back, trying to accumulate further courage.

“Jess, is he..”

Before I can finish the sentence she plants her lips on mine. I acquiesce, realizing I have my answer. Realizing the answer was given to me in Madrid, I was just too stubborn to accept it.

I feel reinvigorated in the moment, though the tides of responsibility have yet to wash over me.

We lay back on the bed in silence, side by side, holding hands. I don’t need more than this right now. These are the little things that allow me to feel whole, even if just for a moment. I resolve to tell her about the Flynn Cup in the morning.

I start to drift off to an uninterrupted sleep. Paxton Ray and a third title defense now the firm focus. They all sit at the tournai watching, waiting for my next move, but they’ll have to wait until after ReVival 53.

The Revelator has the Good Word to spread.

The calm before the fall.

Sometimes it just takes a leap.