The Clubhouse (CD)

Early March

The first time I ever stepped foot in the Clubhouse was just before Christmas, before the first Colossus in 2022. I hadn’t planned on going. Didn’t even know the place existed yet. Cal had other plans. Things between us at the time were tense because of some decisions I’d made, the kind I’m known for. The kind that put me in jeopardy.

The party was to celebrate Jenny Colton’s win in the Belmont Classic finals. Justine went because she desperately needed a drink after the preceding few months. I went because she told me to get in the car, and then didn’t tell me where we were going until we had two hours and a hundred miles behind us.

We were back at the start of March, once again to celebrate Jenny’s success.

In a very short amount of time the Clubhouse had become special to Cal, almost sacred. A wrestler bar was her platonic ideal of a place to hang. No pretenses. No posturing. No having to lie to everyone about what you do because they think it’s beneath them. Just a place to relax with your peers when you weren’t trying to murder each other.

She told me it’s where she first felt accepted, where she felt like she belonged. For that alone we’d have driven a thousand miles.

I had other reasons for wanting to be in Evansville.

I found Jake, the patriarch of the Colton family, chatting up Trece Vickers and waited until he was free before I asked for a moment. We wandered to the edge of the party to a clearing near a few tables.

“I won’t keep you from your people for too long,” I said. “But I wanted to take a minute to thank you face-to-face for that gift at Colossus last year.”

“You earned it. Just wish I’d had the idea at the time instead of a year later.”

That night at the Belmont, Jenny had her moment celebrating in the middle of the ring, but only after the riot had settled down. Paxton Ray, at the peak of his ferocity and smarting from a loss, had picked up the bell and advanced on the ring. Given what Paxton had done to his opponents in the earlier rounds, what followed was an event that insiders called “The Siege of St. Louis.” The entire locker room emptied to stop it. The crowd tried to jump the guardrail and join them, but security managed to hold them back. All of them except one person.

A year later, Jenny, Benny, and Denny Colton had raided the Colossus press pool. When it was my turn to answer questions, they brought a package up to where I was sitting. Inside was a black satin ring jacket with my name stitched in white - a symbol that now I was one of them. Now, I was part of the family.

“I know what it means to have one of those,” I said. “And I’ll try not to let you down.”

“You won’t. That’s not who you are.”

I wondered if it was just a coincidence Jake had used those words, or if he’d been talking to Frank lately.

But the jacket wasn’t the only reason I wanted to talk to Jake.

“So, the other reason I wanted to talk to you… There’s something I wanted to ask. Were you nervous? When you found out Mallory was pregnant with Nate, I mean.”

“Scared out of my goddamn mind. I’d only just got back from Japan when she told me, and it was all I could do not to run for the hills.”

“How long until all that went away?” I paused. A new thought had presented itself. “Did that all go away? Or were you, like, stuck in a sort of perpetual anxiety?”

“First time I held him. After that, I couldn’t believe I’d even thought about leaving. Still got scared that I was gonna fuck him up, ‘cause what did I know about being a dad… but I learned, ‘cause this little guy needed me.”

“The ‘little guy’ turned out pretty great, so you must have known what you were doing.”

From where we were standing I had a clear line of sight on Nate. He was introducing Kohime Mori, who had also spent some time in PRIME, to some of his father’s students. They looked happy, and had a little bit of that awkwardness you see in high school couples: just close enough to infer they’re together, and just far enough apart where it’s not super obvious. It’s super awkward, and awfully endearing.

Justine was stalking them like a big game hunter, because there’s few things she loves more than a good ‘ship. She met my eyes, pouted, and made a show of taking three steps back. No doubt she’d be on their trail again the minute I stopped paying attention to her.

“I don’t know if he realizes it,” I continued, “but he’s basically been saving my ass every week. They might have made me the captain, but he’s the one that’s been leading this team.” The rest of the clan were in equally good spirits. Jenny was laughing with Ria. Benny and Denny were giggling like fools at something, and anytime someone walked close they’d find themselves pulled into orbit. “You know, Justine’s from a big family. She says that you’re breaking the rules, because by right at least one kid is supposed to be an asshole. But I don’t see that here. They’re all amazing people, Jake. You’ve set one hell of a high bar.”

Then Jake burst into laughter, and continued laughing for a solid minute. I’d later find out that it was because Jake “had seen the director’s cut of this movie, while I’d only seen the highlights.” I made a note to steal that one, maybe use it again in the future.

When he finally calmed down, Jake said, “You should have seen them when they were kids. Pack of terrors. But we did our best to steer them right, and we had a lot of help–my sister, Mal’s family…even Nate, when the younger ones came around. The main thing you gotta remember is that it ain’t gonna be perfect, and you’re gonna get some shit wrong. But if you put the work in, and teach them to do the same…you can get through damn near anything.”

“Still, those are some hefty stakes. Like, to be responsible for a tiny lifelike that, and know you’re going to be the one that shapes it… That you get to be the one who influences how they’ll see the world for the first time? It’s terrifying, Jake. Absolutely terrifying.”

“I know,” he said, and put a hand on my shoulder. Jake and I weren’t that far apart in age - maybe ten years, twelve tops - but it was that life experience that earned him that air of respect. “But I also know you to be a good man, and you’re actually going to give a shit about that kid. That’s half the battle right there. The rest… you’ll figure it out as you go along. Just try not to repeat mistakes… either the ones you make, or the ones you lived through.”

“I’m learning that it also helps to have the right people around. A lot of the books I’ve read so far call it ‘your village.’” And every village is required to have one official idiot, which is where I come in. “I appreciate this, Jake. It’s… it’s nice to get to have this conversation.”

One, I should add, I never had with my own father.

“Always glad to help, Jared. Think of it as an apology for all the calls Justine’s about to get from Mal.”

Now it was my turn to laugh.

“I’ll make sure she’s always in the loop. Gonna be lots of pictures in the future, I imagine.” I started to move away so that Jake could get back to it. These were his people, after all, and even if I could pick his brain forever that didn’t give me a right to deny everyone else. “Well, like I said, I don’t want to keep you from your people, but… thanks.”

“Anytime,” he said, then added. “How many people have you and Justine told so far?”

“About the baby?” I smiled. “Only family.”